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Song Parodies -> "Captain America vs. Indiana Jones"

Original Song Title:

"Epic Rap Battles of History"

Original Performer:

Nice Peter & Epic Lloyd

Parody Song Title:

"Captain America vs. Indiana Jones"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

Who's the greatest fictional Nazi-fighter of them all? I'm not sure, but this time, they're battling each other.
Epic Rap Battles of History!

Captain America!


Indiana Jones!


I’m demoting this Captain
with an old-time diss.
You’re gonna have a bad
feeling about this!

When I’m through with you
you’ll be back in the Depression
while I’ll be off with Betty Grable
for a rumble-seat session!

I’ve beaten Nazis and Commies
and Indian freaks
while you now hang around
with those Avenger geeks!

I got a leather jacket
and a snazzy fedora.
While you must’ve bought
that costume at Sephora!

You think you’re spittin’ fire
but my raps are ice cold.
I’ve been briefed and updated
while you’re encrusted with mold!

I’m an original gangsta
of Marvel Comics
and unlike you, I’ve learned how
to use Stark Electronics!

You knocked up poor Marion
you academia nut
and your last movie proved
you’re in a rut and your kid’s a Mutt!

You could never beat HYDRA
because a snake makes you yield
while I am the ultimate
agent of Shield!

Just what were you and Bucky
doing back in your tent?
Did he find your foxhole?
‘Cause I think you’re bent!

Back then this accusation
would’ve really hurt you.
Why else would you have had Peggy Carter
and still kept your virtue?

Like me with my enemies
she had you whipped!
Anybody who pays to see
your movies gets gypped!

I can call you Otzi.
Yeah, that should suffice.
Call me Admiral Byrd
‘cause I’m puttin’ you back on ice!

You fool, you let Adolf
sign your daddy’s Grail book
while my first cover showed me
giving him a right hook!

You should’ve done nothing
let Belloq park the ark.
The whole Nazi high command
would’ve gone up in sparks!

I beat the Red Skull
and beat the forces of Hitler
while you couldn’t win a rap battle
against Bette Blessed Midler!

I must be the greatest hero
of all of humanity:
I won a world war AND a rap battle
without using any profanity.

Who won?
Who’s next?
You decide!


(Opening notes of Indy’s theme… Doesn’t necessarily mean he won)

Rap Battles of History!

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.4
How Funny: 3.4
Overall Rating: 3.4

Total Votes: 28

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   11
 2   0
 3   1
 4   0
 5   16

User Comments

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Rob Arndt - December 15, 2015 - Report this comment
Nice one MP-555! Am a Cap fan so pretty accurate except Cap was US Army 26th Infantry Regiment first and then worked with the Invaders and Sentinels of Liberty, became first Avenger. No mention of his shield here given by FDR made of Vibranium recovered from Wakanda. Also, Cap and Bucky in destroying Baron Zemo's drone plane fell into the N Atlantic. The Byrd ref is Op Highjump postwar search for Nazi Base 211 in Antarctica!!! Wrong body of water! Otherwise, nearly flawless. No mention of Indy being named after the dog ;-)
Michael Pacholek - October 26, 2022 - Report this comment
The real ERB guys just did Indiana Jones vs. Lara Croft. It's great. Check it out. So far, they haven't used Captain America.

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