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Song Parodies -> "Edward Cullen vs. Count von Count"

Original Song Title:

"Epic Rap Battles of History"

Original Performer:

Nice Peter & Epic Lloyd

Parody Song Title:

"Edward Cullen vs. Count von Count"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

I couldn't vait for Halloveen to post this vone vonderful parody! Ah ah ah ah!
(Wolf howl)

Epic Rap Battles of History!

Edward Cullen!


Count von Count!


I’m comin’ off the big screen
from outta the Northwest
against a purple vampire
who should give the counting a rest!
I can sparkle in the daylight
while you need to slumber.
I’ll knock you out, Mr. Monocle
‘cause I’ve got your number!
My girl looks like Joan Jett.
Who’s Countess von Backwards?
I’m gonna eat you up
like you were sandwich stackers!
You may be made from Muppet fabric
but I’ll drain you, you dud.
Call me Daniel Day-Lewis
‘cause there will be blood!

That’s one! One stupid vampire
who isn’t very groovy
and appeared in one, two, three, four
five lousy f***ing movies!
You’re a hundred years older
than the girl vith whom you sleep.
Instead of being a creep
maybe you should start counting sheep!
I’m straight outta Transylvania
by vay of Sesame Street!
I think you’re straight outta the closet:
Can’t satisfy Bella in the sheets!
All the children of the night and day
vith me they counted and sang.
Bring all your vampires and verevolves:
I’ll crush your whole gang!
(thunder and lightning)

Oh, spare me your accent
and don’t be pedantic.
There isn’t a woman on Earth
who considers you romantic!
Forget Cookie: I’m a hip-hop monster.
Stepping to me was a mistake.
You’ve never left New York City.
I’ll give you a Holly-wooden stake!
I’m not gonna lie to you.
Honesty’s the best policy.
I got an A in sex ed.
You flunked numerology!
I’m undead, but the living end
the vamp all the girls wanna bone.
Call me Rod Serling, sucker:
Welcome to the Twilight Zone!

That’s one, two!
Two truly lame verses!
I’ve seen more vit in the mummy’s
and George Carlin’s curses!
I’ve got more than one, two, three, four,
five, six, seven dirty vords!
Like my Big yellow friend says:
Your movies are for the Birds!
Stephenie Meyer’s moved on
to The Host, haste-post.
I can see right through you:
You might as vell be a ghost!
I don’t need a stake to your heart:
I’ll punch your right in your snout!
Call me a boxing referee:
I’m counting to ten, and you’re out!
AH ah ah ah ah ah ah ah!
(thunder and lightning)

Who von?
Who’s next?
You decide!

(thunder and lightning)
AH ah ah ah ah ah ah ah!

Rap Battles of History!

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Original Song: 
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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.0
How Funny: 4.0
Overall Rating: 4.0

Total Votes: 12

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   3
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   9

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Rob Arndt - October 19, 2015 - Report this comment
555 for the parody. Lots of good lines. But perhaps some of our foreign friends might not understand the Sesame Street universe... Security Code is MAD. The Word for Today is MAD!!! The Count: That's ONE, ONE word... he, he,he... ( the Count snickered alot)!
Kathy - October 19, 2015 - Report this comment
I remember that old routine on Sesame Street! One, one five... Two, two fives... Three, three fives. Yes, three fives!

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