Epic Rap Battle of History!

George W. Bush!

vs....

Kermit the Frog!

Begin

(George)
My fellow Americans
it's yer Commander-in-Chief
and unlike my speeches
this battle will be brief.
This frog tried to teach children.
But is our children learning?
When I'm through with him
there'll be frog legs burning.
I'll clear this battlefield like Iraq
and my ranch's brush
then I'll take this nasal frog
and kick his amphibian tush.
I'm a real cowboy.
Yer a poser, swampish.
Consider yourself beat, Kermit.
Mission accomplished!

(Kermit)
Hi-ho! Kermit the
Frog here
against a dumb douchebag
who's addicted to beer!
You've got no class.
I'm a first-class Muppet.
I got a hand in my back
but you're more of a puppet!
You can't remember how big I was
in my glory days
because you watched "The Muppet Show"
in an alcoholic daze.
You tried to privatize
Social Security
while I get kids to watch vaudeville legends
in perpetuity!

(George)
Whoa, there, pardner.
What's with the big words?
Like Gonzo and Sam the Eagle
yer show's really for the birds.
I protected this nation
from terrorists and evildoers
while Statler and Waldorf tell me
yer show smells like a sewer.
I got my Daddy and brother Jeb
and Laura's a fine creature.
Who's got yer back? Fozzie?
And ya screw a porcine creature!
This battle is over
and ya just got beat
and I ain't tellin' ya how to get
back to Sesame Street!

(Kermit)
You can't beat me. I'm a
rapper who's mos def.
You speak English as poorly
as the Swedish Chef!
You're as scandalous as Nixon.
And only Hoover perhaps
had a more damaging
economic collapse!
You screwed up so badly, people
chose an Arabic name
on a black face to clean up
your Presidential shame!
You say you won this battle?
You've told another whopper.
I've beaten you as badly
as I did Doc Hopper!

Who won?
Who's next?
You decide!

Epic...

(Bush's familiar laugh)

Rap Battles of History!