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Song Parodies -> "Rocky Balboa vs. Roy Hobbs"

Original Song Title:

"Epic Rap Battles of History"

Original Performer:

Nice Peter & Epic Lloyd

Parody Song Title:

"Rocky Balboa vs. Roy Hobbs"

Parody Written by:

Michael Pacholek

The Lyrics

Who's the greatest fictional athlete of all: The Italian Stallion or The Natural? Hint: In real ERB's, it usually works out that whoever goes last ends up sounding like the winner, simply because he gets the last word.
Epic Rap Battles of History!

Rocky Balboa!


Roy Hobbs!


Yo! It's the Rock
the Italian Stallion.
I'm slicin' this dude up
like prosciutto and scallions!
From South Philadelphia
I'm gonna take this farmboy
and give him a left hook
that'll cause lots of harm, boy!
I'm gonna leave ya bloody.
I'm gonna leave ya teary.
I won the heavyweight title.
You didn't even play in the World Series!
I beat a big bad Russian
when I was almost 40.
I'm a better M.C.
and better at bein' sporty!

God, I love baseball
but not you, Rock.
Your rhymes smell worse
than a sanitary sock!
All you got is your fists.
No intelligence to mention.
My bat Wonderboy
will give your skull a Depression!
I got a 9 on my back
but you know I'm Number 1.
They called me The Natural.
No steroids like you've done!
Your acting is stiff.
You fight like you're made of wood.
I'm so dope I even
made Buffalo look good!

Yo, you think your rhymes
could get any wacker?
You got even less hipness
than Vince Lombardi's Packers!
You had a nice girl in Iris
but Memo, she's a bad one.
I was good to my kid.
You didn't even know you had one!
You were played by Robert Redford
but I'll give you a real Sting!
The Sundance Kid won't be saved
when he hears the bell ring!
That magic bat compensates:
You got no clout.
I'mma gonna count to ten
'cause you got your ass knocked out!

All that fighting in your movies
and I still got bored.
So I went to see Adrian
and guess what, I scored!
You fought in the Seventies
but no funk to your rhyme.
Don't you know New York beats
Philadelphia every time?
Your movies made a lot of money
but I don't give a damn.
I'll hurt you so much, Rambo
you'll wish you were back in 'Nam!
You ain't writin' the script, Sly:
You can't control this fight.
And I've shorted you out
like my ballpark's lights!

Who won?
Who's next?
You decide!

(clap, clap, clap-clap-clap)
of History!

Your Vote & Comment Counts

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Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

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Voting Results

Pacing: 3.2
How Funny: 3.1
Overall Rating: 3.1

Total Votes: 12

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   5
 2   0
 3   1
 4   0
 5   6

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Michael Pacholek - November 17, 2014 - Report this comment
Jeez, who thought it was THAT bad? It may not have been "Rocky I," but it certainly wasn't "Rocky V"!
Karnak - November 18, 2014 - Report this comment
Your rap is actually quite good. The vote is all about your politics. You are a liberal lamb amidst salivating, red-meat, red-staters. To improve your scores, rail against the ACA and the coming executive order on immigration. Then claim that Obama is a Muslim socialist from Kenya. All 5s will then greet anything you write.
Callmelennie - November 18, 2014 - Report this comment
Oh shoot Karnak, I'm on to YEW!!. Yer nawt a rill Konsur ... konsurv ... knosurv'tiv. You is jes' trollin' lak wun .. OOR, hoor, hoor, HOOR!! .... Besawds, even iff'n Miek wur to rite such thangs, I woon't give him no fives, cuz I wood knewed it warn't sincere.
Patrick - November 18, 2014 - Report this comment
Don't worry about the politics. This would make an epic battle, especially if Roy took his bat into the ring.

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