Damn, buddy, what a mess you've made
Can't you eat like normal humans?
There's butter all over your face
And the dining room's in ruins

I think Cookie Monster makes less mess than you do, Mike
So could you please use a knife and fork
Use a knife and fork, or at least a spork

You've got no table manners
Just look right in the mirror
There's gravy in your whiskers
You know Garfield the cat?
You eat worse than him, man
I don't care if you eat the fat
Just use a knife and fork, man

You're lookin' like Jabba the Hutt
When your food, you start to shovel
The sounds you make are really gross
You don't "eat", rather you guzzle

See that sauce drip
You look like a dork, so don't be a slob
Use a knife and fork for once

Stop eating with your fingers
Food all over your t-shirt
Not what they mean by greaser
Milk spurts on your jacket
It looks kinda suspect
So you better go and wash that
Then use a knife and fork, man

Smeared that mashed potato on your face
Your cousin eats better and she is eight

Hey buddy, when you ate your lunch
Afterwards you needed rinsin'
Not what a hose is meant for, mate

You lack good table manners
Don't gobble or use fingers
Your hunger's no exuse, sir
Better clean up your act
Or your food, I'll cut back
No more syrup-covered flapjacks
So use a knife and fork, man

So don't be a slob, or no more hot dogs
No more strawberry tarts, so stop slobbin', sharp
Don't eat when you talk, use a knife and fork, man

Got grease under your fingers (use a knife and fork, a knife and fork)
Don't throw spuds at your sister (use a knife and fork, a knife and fork)
Use a knife and fork, a knife and fork, man