Come on, whoo, look at that puck go, yeah
I wanna play some ice hockey (whoo, yeah)
Work on my slap shot with somebody (shot, shot, shot, shot)
So would you be-e my temp goalie (my goalie, come on, come on)?
And protect that net that's so holey
From the puck movin' non-slowly (non-slowly)

It's a sport at which I could be good
Though I ain't played it, true
Never had a quick round with my mates
Wasn't taught at school
Last time I was on the ice, only twice fell down
But that was 'bout ten years ago
Maybe fifteen years now, it's been quite a while now
I know that I'm no Wayne Gretzky
And I only know him from TV Tro-o-o-o-opes
But I don't care, gonna push right through

I wanna play some ice hockey (whoo, yeah)
Work on my wrist shot with somebody (shot, shot, shot, shot)
But it might be-e a bit lonely (come on, come on)
So would you help me out and join me?
Can pretend you're Jason Voorhees (that Voorhees)

The prospect of all that armour's good
Don't like pain that much
Can call me a wuss or a pansy
I prefer "sensible" (completely sensible)
I've seen how fast that puck flies when it's off the ground
Reducin' "ow"'s the way to go
Put that helmet on now, strap that cup on right now
Toon hockey players may lack teeth
This is reality, thought you should kno-o-o-o-ow
And I'm not that big a fan of soup

I wanna play some ice hockey (whoo, yeah)
Work on my snap shot with somebody (shot, shot, shot, shot)
But my pass i-is a bit shoddy (come on, come on)
I need to practice with somebody
Would you please be that somebody (somebody, yeah)?

Learn to hit that puck
Want to have a sport that at which I don't suck
Hope that the ice
Doesn't make me fall right over all that much (whoo)
I've played hockey once
But that was on concrete, got more grip there, bud (whoo)
Also we used a tennis ball and not a puck
Good thing too, cause that thing hit me in the nuts

I'm hopin' that I can find an ice rink in town
That won't price gouge cause that would blow
I'm not made of cash now, not composed of cash now
There are no frozen lakes near me
Where I live, that'll never happen, no-o-o-o-o
Weather goes from rain to melty, dude

Still wanna play some ice hockey (whoo, yeah)
Work on my deke shot with somebody (shot, shot, shot, shot)
This sport could be-e my new hobby (come on, come on)
A good workout for my round body
Hope that I don't break said body (said body)