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Song Parodies -> "Haulin'"

Original Song Title:

"Ballin'"

Original Performer:

Mustard ft. Roddy Ricch

Parody Song Title:

"Haulin'"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Part of my "Something to Believe In Supplemental" self-challenge. Long haul truckers. Their job can truly suck at times, wouldn't you think?
Got places I need to go
'Cause it's how I get my pay
So I must be on my way (though I wanna stay)
Gotta keep it together
Keep it together
Fightin' off the sleep, bro

A risk that I'm gonna fall asleep
That's bad when you think of all that I've got behind me
A couple hundred tons or so, you see
You don't want all of that crap to careen
But that's just a part of the job that I've got, see
Doesn't even matter what stuff I am hauling
I can't let my truck go and crash or be stalling
That would blow, such a mess, pay would start falling

I'm on the highway in my truck, it's a big trip, trip, ayy
Not a lot of traffic, but my grip tip
Is to not feel too at ease on the trip, trip
That's how you miss what you should see, right over, you'll tip
You'd think that someone like me would never, ever forget that
I'm sad to say there have been times where I did forget that
My brain had wandered off the map, soon so did my big Mack
Can't fix that myself now, my cred got a big crack
Even when the sun is down, you gotta watch that
A lotta weight is gonna shift, don't make a stop snap
Hearin' eighteen wheels go screech, trust me, you don't want that
It's more than a little problem, 'cause the cars get squashed flat
I'll have to pay if I run over your new coupe
But havin' to stay up's hard, it's the rude truth
If you thought this life's sick, that Convoy song lied to you
'Cause I'm that sucker now, too true

Each trip is so long, might fall asleep
I'd play loud music, big distraction right there for me
And so I sit here talkin' constantly
To bobbleheads, they're laughin' right at me
I'm a little bit mad as balls, it's a whole scene
Takin' way too damn friggin' long, this here hauling
Wanna stop my truck, take a nap 'til the morning
I can't, no, late as shit, pay would start falling

Pretty sure I'm meant to have a buddy, whoa, whoa
An assistant, a companion, whoa, whoa
Got room here for two bros, two friends, a whole back room so
One of us can get some sleep, the other drives the load
But my boss is such a dick, he won't give in to that
"Humans aren't robots" crap, so he cut the budget, slashed
Only lets one man for ev'ry truck cab, that's
Bonkers, but you see, I need cash, I can't snap back
That he's gone insane
No human was meant to drive with all this freight
Cross the country without any damn paid stops
Makes one brain explode, no need to explain what
Reasons the boss refuses any change
In this for the bus'ness
Focus all on the bottom line, I ain't kiddin'
You'd think accident up-ticks would start some shiftin'
But that's wrong, his greed has zero limit (yeah)

At some point, I'm gonna fall asleep (yeah)
I can't prevent it, my biology has some needs (yeah-eah-eah)
And I can't make it stuck out on the streets
I'm savin' up my cash 'til I can leave
And then I'll never risk it all anymore, see
No potential for crashin' all that I'm hauling
No more zonin' out from no naps for 'bout four weeks
I'll sue so hard, that prick will know I'm salty

I, ayy, yeah-eah
I've been haulin' and it's bullshit
Don't want to haul all this bullshit
Yeah, don't want to haul all this bullshit, yeah-eah
Don't want to haul all this bullshit
Don't want to haul all this bullshit, yeah, yeah-eah

MUSTARD?!?! Don't let's be silly! Lemon, that's different, heh.

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