My big hands, I don't like
"Larger than av'rage"? A misnomer, friend
I'm never gettin' my
Phone or wallet out my pockets, see
Can't wedge a finger in, not right
Too wide and too long, it's so lame
Use a bag? Zipper's too fine
For my swollen hands, sucks

They're so huge, not quite draggin' on the floor
Still my hands are an eyesore
Hate to talk about 'em
Hands too chunky to shake with anyone
Your arm's gone from sight
Must we talk about 'em?
So damn huge, can still fit 'em through the door
Still my hands are an eyesore
Hate to talk about 'em
Hands too chunky to facepalm, cause I'd just
Knock my head off, right
Must we talk about 'em?
Must we talk about 'em?

My phone's useless to me
It's hard to answer texts or calls
Tap's equal to ten of yours, mate
Hands-free gestures get skewed
Had to swear off sleeves, cause my
Hands can't fit through 'em with zero tears
More reasons I don't like
My huge appendages, they blow, my friend

They're so huge, you'd swear they were Photoshopped
Yes, my hands are an eyesore
Hate to talk about 'em
Hands too chunky to high-five anyone
Can't "too slow" me, fine
Must we talk about 'em?
So damn huge, bathroom breaks take way too long
Yes, my hands are an eyesore
Hate to talk about 'em
Hands too chunky to stroke my chin, I'd just
Tear my chin off, right
Must we talk about 'em?
Must we talk about 'em?

They're so huge, a backhand would bring such gore
'Fraid my hands are an eyesore
Hate to talk about 'em
Hands too chunky to back-slap anyone
Through the ground, pile-drived
Must we talk about 'em?
So damn huge, my handwritin' is abhorred
'Fraid my hands are an eyesore
Hate to talk about 'em
Hands too chunky to use a knife and fork
That part I don't mind
Must we talk about 'em?
Must we talk about 'em?