My running's strained, my throw is lame
Can't jump, least not very high
I tripped and fell into the ref
I suck, dare you to deny
And you cannot say this is an off-day
It's standard for me to
Waste all my team's time, pre- and post-halftime
Our chances are so screwed

Because I suck at basketball
I never earn a point at all
You'd think I'd just keep the benches warm
But there's no-one to repla-a-ace me
We're screwed cause o-o-of me

There ain't a slight chance that I might
Turn 'round, and start dunkin' now
Can't dribble, derp, my aim's the worst
What now, I got another foul
Hear you askin' me, why not quit the team?
Yes, I know that I could
I've heard all my life, that I've got to try
One day I might get good

For now I suck at basketball
Can't get it through the net at all
Rebound off the board and smash my skull
I almost scored for the wro-o-ong team
I really suck at basketball
I fail when I try to slam dunk
Got no shoe grip so I hit the walls
No other guys to repla-a-ace me
We lose, should bla-a-ame me

Each time I try to bounce the ball
Damn thing always smacks me in the chin
Don't ask me to pass at all
The audience I'm sure to hit
So should I try some other sport?
It's a plan that I have dabbled in
There's only one sport I've skill in

If you haven't guessed, it's the one I've been
Whining about, it's true

I know I suck at basketball
I've tried my hand at other stuff
Worse at all of them, can't make that up
Even chess club rejecte-e-ed me
So I'm still playin' basketball
Tried pivoting, it made me fall
I can't even catch the ball at all
I'm shocked you guys still play wi-i-ith me
Thought you would ha-a-ate me
You tolera-a-ate me