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Song Parodies -> "Crappy Opener"

Original Song Title:

"Catriona"

Original Performer:

Matthaios

Parody Song Title:

"Crappy Opener"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

If you want people to watch your entire 8-season show, you gotta make the opening arc gripping, entertaining...not a limp fart.
First episode's blunderin', hmmhmm

Man, you've been askin' for a while, I've been the jerk (yes, sir)
Want me to sit with you and watch this show, must hurt (hurt)
That I have kept postponin', ev'ry date got shirked
And then now that I've committed, think it really doesn't work, yeah
So you've been waitin' all this time, man, I'd be irked (yes, sir)
If you had dissed the thing I love like some big jerk (jerk)
But I'm not sugar-coatin' this things lack of perks
Least for now, because you keep on sayin' later on, things work, yeah (keep it up, keep it up)

If you had not told me, I wouldn't know the plot (shit)
What are these people tryna do, complete or stop (start or stop)?
It's hard to care when I don't know what's goin' on
There's not a hook or any drive, just people who stand 'round and talk (yuh, yuh)
Wouldn't be bad if any characters were fun
If they elicited some sympathy here, but
They're either bland or just the douchiest of all
Yet they're meant to be heroes? I'm appalled

First episode's not made me smile or even smirk (no, sir)
Just kinda limped along, got nothin' there that works (works)
Theme song's not even kickin', but what really hurts
Is the lack of premise bludgeonin', the one time that would work, yeah
Still gonna give this a real try although it hurts (yes, sir)
'Cause you insist that later on the whole thing works (works)
Can tell you're real invested in this universe
But it better get good quick or I will get much more than irked, yeah (now it sucks, now it sucks)

I don't know if this show knows how a narrative should flow
We're up to episode, what, six? All they've done is told bad jokes (puh-lease)
I've got no issue with slice-of-life comedies
But you promised an epic tale, not this bland guff (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah)
Just goes on and on (ooh), I'm close to noddin' off (yes, sir)
Stop danglin' the carrot labelled "it gets good", just stop (hmm)
Pointless waffle, man, I'll never be convinced
Okay, fine, one more, think I can fit some more choc'late blocks in (ayy)

Better not be a waste of time 'cause this show hurts (yes, sir)
Nobody's interestin', not one has a quirk (quirk)
That's worth my ass investin' in these borin' jerks
Better hope that somethin' clicks and gets my flaggin' int'rest perked, yeah
'Cause if it doesn't, don't think I will be the jerk (no, sir)
And flat dismiss the stuff you watch as crap, that hurts (hurts)
But the next time you spin a show as a "slow burn"
I'll be slightly more resistant to your choc bribes, might not work, yeah (eat 'em up, eat 'em up)

This is really slow, needs explosions

Of course, you don't want the opposite, where you start with a bang and end with a whimper, known in some circles as "pulling a Game of Thrones".

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Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 1

Voting Breakdown

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 5   1
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