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Song Parodies -> "Bear Platoon"

Original Song Title:

"Air Balloon"

Original Performer:

Lily Allen

Parody Song Title:

"Bear Platoon"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

There are many ways to protect a kingdom. Some practical, some effective...but sometimes, ya just gotta go with your gut.
An army is needed but I feel that conscription just won't do
So I ran through a few out-there proposals from an out-the-box crew
No fan of the "kung-fu maids" scheme, can't justify "ninja clowns" much more
But this paper has sent me reelin' in a positive way for sure, ooh-ooh
I've been floored, I'd never think that way
Might work alright, might just cause more pain
But I'm thinkin' that I love this plan
Approved right now

Our enemies will fly away from the worst doom
No, not one mook would dare stay
With our new bear platoon, bear platoon, bear platoon (ha)
Bring, bring along, along any guns they want to
But fear will shite up their aim
Thanks to our bear platoon, bear platoon, bear platoon (ha)

Na-na-n-n-na-na, na, na-na-n-n-na, mmm
Na-na-n-n-na-na, na, na-na-n-n-na, mmm

It'll take time to train 'em to refrain from eatin' my face
And to fit 'em all with real tricked-out metal bodysuits just in case
There's one enemy who's got huge balls to then murder my ursine fleet
But I'm willin' to practice patience cause this plan is completely sweet, ooh-ooh
Was so floored, I don't exaggerate
Almost sure I got concussed that day
Could explain this fixation I have
So cool, start now

Give them jetpacks to fly, sure that will ensure doom
For all those foes in my way
Run from my bear platoon, bear platoon, bear platoon (ha)
Cause, cause they've got, they've got thick-ass claws to rend you
Into small slices, such pain
Point of my bear platoon, bear platoon, bear platoon (ha)

Na-na-n-n-na-na, na, na-na-n-n-na, mmm
Na-na-n-n-na-na, na, na-na-n-n-na, mmm
Na-na-n-n-na-na, na, na-na-n-n-na, mmm
Na-na-n-n-na-na, na, na-na-n-n-na, mmm

Make 'em, m-make 'em, make 'em now
Gimme, gi-gimme, gimme some
Crazy, c-crazy ursine crowds
Rippin', ri-ri-ri-rippin' out
Faces, f-faces, faces now (hoo)
Friggin', f-friggin', friggin' pumped (ooh)
Failure? F-Failure? I'm in doubt
It's so, it-it-it-it's so sound

Yeah
Na-na-n-n-na-na, na

So many times I'll write the phrase down, sad but true
But it just made my whole day
I need my bear platoon, bear platoon, bear platoon (ha)
Is, is it wrong, so wrong that I want this real soon?
Cause I don't like the long wait
For my great bear platoon, bear platoon, bear platoon (ha)
Our enemies are f-
Na-na-n-n-na-na, na, na-na-n-n-na
Cause of my bear platoon, bear platoon, bear platoon (ha)
They're gonna be so f-
Na-na-n-n-na-na, na, na-na-n-n-na
Thanks to my bear platoon, bear platoon, bear platoon (ha)

Otherwise known as "what a Michael Bay-directed cartoon might look like".

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