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Song Parodies -> "XO Orc Llif3"

Original Song Title:

"XO Tour Llif3"

Original Performer:

Lil Uzi Vert

Parody Song Title:

"XO Orc Llif3"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Part of my "How We Do It" self-challenge. When killing the monster races in D&D goes beyond "standard procedure" and more into "anyone else feeling a little genocide-y?"...
Does this seem right?
It's not right, it can't be right
Doesn't feel so right
Ma-a-a-a-a-a-ate, yeah
Those ones were bad and they had to be stopped, not worth cryin' over
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Are they all bad? I just want us to stop and mull it all over

I don't really think that it's right
To declare a whole species should die
Sure, the ones we've met are assholes, I won't lie
Just think that there might be some who are real nice
No fan of your pledge, "all orcs should be dead"?
Not a pleasant pledge, fills me up with dread
You should change your pledge "bad orcs should be dead"
That'd be my pledge

Hang on, lemme check, yes, I was right
The alignment that you wrote down wasn't "Lawful Prick"
Stop rollin' to stab those orcs in the ass now
Think about the way that you act now, in case the DM hands out
Punishment cause a paladin would not
Call for such indiscriminate slaughter
Doesn't help that you plain forgot
To cast Detect Evil, you marauder
Soon as you hear that their skin's green
You call out "SMITE EVIL!", ev'ry time I have to stop ya
Sure, their stats do claim they're all Evil, hear me out, hey
In universe? 'Fraid not, we don't know if they are that way
It's expected that they're vicious, it's well known that orcs are mean
But let's say that our good DM wants to Shyamalan this scene, yeah

Even then, I don't think it's right
To assume that all orcs are not nice
And so you think their organs should fly
This is gettin' awkward, I can't lie, yah
"All orcs should be dead"? How is that your pledge (yah)?
I thought paladins, yah, ooh, were all virtuous
But you wanna slit their throats while they're unconscious

Please calm down a tad, I know you hate orcs
What you wanna kill a whole damn race for?
"Hate 'em, kill the orcs, hate 'em, yeah"
Is that in character? Tell us (yeah, yeah, cchyeah)
"Orcs are bastards, hate 'em (scrah)"
Record's stuck, brain's in a rut, hate when it's skippin' (yeah)
Seein' red and green, focus, man, soon, before we all
Decide you should re-roll
A new character who'd never crush these orc baby skulls
Yes, I did say that, you've killed orc babies, you're a shithole
I say "You're the worst, you're the worst"
You know my guy is a half-orc who's Good? Jerk

I can see the look in your eye
Lost in character, that isn't right
Cause you weren't like this in Elder Scrolls Online
All our buddies think you've gone too far this time
Closer to the edge of alignment switch
We can roleplay this, have your guy just flip
We'll have to kill him, bring in a non-dick
Then we'll move past this

My current (and first) campaign hasn't gotten far enough for this to happen, but I know I will point it out both out-of-character and in-character as Ag, Neutral Good half-orc monk. He's just the nicest chap unless you piss him off, then he will crush your skull over his knee.

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Pacing: 3.7
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Overall Rating: 3.7

Total Votes: 3

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