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Song Parodies -> "These, Q? Why?"

Original Song Title:

"G.U.Y."

Original Performer:

Lady Gaga

Parody Song Title:

"These, Q? Why?"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

I was always fascinated by James Bond’s gadgets, ‘cause he had these brilliant little gadgets, but the guy who gave them to him, “Q,” he must have been some sort of psychic, ‘cause they always gave him exactly what he would have want of, very lean, wasn’t it? He used every single item, he never came back, going, “Q, I’ve got a lot of stuff I didn’t use on that adventure. Went all the way out to fucking God knows where, and this watch that turned into a hamster, what was the point of that? These trousers, press a button, turn into jam. Why? The hat turned into a bicycle, that was very funny…”
Finished off Blofeld
Emptied my whole pistol, fired while he talked right at me
Dumbass, told me his whole plan like a big tool
I'm back and I have a few questions

These gadgets were a joke, don't get you (oh, yeah)
I gotta ask you: these, Q? Why?
The belt I could use to shave? No real use (oh, yeah)
Too complex for a quick disguise
A compass in my tie? I could give credit to you
But then you put in the wrong friggin' one, the wrong one
North directions would be neat, drawin' circles less so, please
Put your head on straight when you're in the lab next time

So I won't ask you why (these, Q? Why?)
I hate to ask you why (these, Q? Why?)
Don't wanna ask you why (these, Q? Why?)
This stuff's beneath you, why?

Not sayin' they don't work, that's not true (oh, yeah)
Just make me say "What the hell?"
This helicopter watch unfolds true (oh, yeah)
Doesn't hold my weight that well
Know I'm the kinda spy who makes quips to the dead dude
But I don't need a dictionary gun, that's just dumb
Only gadgets that I need: somethin' small that blows up sweet
And a car that can tank a missile on all sides

The rest make me ask why (these, Q? Why?)
Don't wanna ask you why (these, Q? Why?)
But I must ask you why (these, Q? Why?)
I just don't get them, why?
You're not a psychic, you can't know what I'm doin'
Or what troubles I might run into
But what the hell kinda stuff have you been smokin'
When you make a pen that writes with glue?

(These, Q? Why?) Tell me, tell me
Total nonsense (these, Q? Why?), tell me, tell me
A lot of crap you're sendin' my way (these, Q? Why?), how could they help me?
Surprised your technicians all haven't quit to chug beers (these, Q? Why? Why did you make that?)
Tell me, tell me, what sane spy
Could make headway with these, Q? Why?
Second drafts exist, my guy
Why would you hand off these, Q? Why?

I'm sick of askin' why (these, Q? Why?)
Don't wanna ask you why (these, Q? Why?)
I have to ask you why (these, Q? Why?)
These are plain batshit, why?
Don't wanna ask you why (these, Q? Why?)
But I must ask you why (these, Q? Why?)
'Cause these are made of why (these, Q? Why?) (madness)
Socks that play showtunes? Why (really useful gadgets, I'd like)
Not this! Not this!
Not this! Not this!

Why, yes, I did check the pacing in my best Sean Connery impression, why wouldn't I?

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 LittleLots
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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.7
How Funny: 4.7
Overall Rating: 4.7

Total Votes: 14

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   13
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User Comments

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Nitpicker - June 03, 2022 - Report this comment
I figure unused gadgets in James Bond stories are like those occasional unsolved mysteries Sherlock Holmes failed to crack: there actually were a few, but the author didn't see fit to include them as they would only have left his target audience feeling cheated and frustrated for never having served any real purpose.

(As stated in The Problem of Thor Bridge: "Some, and not the least interesting, were complete failures, and as such will hardly bear narrating, since no final explanation is forthcoming. A problem without a solution may interest the student, but can hardly fail to annoy the casual reader. Among these unfinished tales is that of Mr. James Phillimore, who, stepping back into his own house to get his umbrella, was never more seen in this world. No less remarkable is that of the cutter Alicia, which sailed one spring morning into a small patch of mist from where she never again emerged, nor was anything further ever heard of herself and her crew. A third case worthy of note is that of Isadora Persano, the well-known journalist and duellist, who was found stark staring mad with a match box in front of him which contained a remarkable worm said to be unknown to science.")
Fun Fact: - June 03, 2022 - Report this comment
Between all those exciting adventures, Ian Fleming's original novels said James Bond actually spent most of his time pushing paper as a desk jockey.

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