Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, yes, I pla-ay a tuba-a, tu-uba-a
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, hate to pla-ay this tuba-a, tu-uba-a

Tuba, tuba-a-a, tuba, tuba-a-a
Tuba, tuba-a-a, tuba plain su-ucks

Tuba, tuba-a-a, tuba, tuba-a-a
Tuba, tuba-a-a, tuba plain su-ucks

First of all, the size is so clunky
It's big enough to fit a child aged three
Don't ask me how I worked that out, okay?
Let's just say that some kids are really mean
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
I'll lug it round, lug it round town
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
It weighs me right down, brings me right down

This giant metal tu-ube was not one I would choo-oose
But I'm stuck playin' the tuba, buddy
It's way too friggin' hu-uge, my poor spine wants to sue-ue
But I'm stuck playin' the tuba, buddy
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, yes, I pla-ay a tuba-a, tu-uba-a
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, hate to pla-ay this tuba-a, tu-uba-a

Tuba, tuba-a-a, tuba, tuba-a-a
Tuba, tuba-a-a, tuba plain su-ucks

I hate the way it puffs out both my cheeks
Look like some kinda rodent when I play
All to make a sound like a gross blat
Bottom burp, whatever term you please
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
I hate the sound, that low-ground sound
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
Wanna throw it down right on the ground

Wish I could play the flu-ute, piano or the lu-ute
But I'm stuck with this dumb tuba, buddy
The other brass are coo-ooler than this, feel a foo-ool
Cause I'm stuck with this dumb tuba, buddy
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, yes, I pla-ay a tuba-a, tu-uba-a
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh, hate to pla-ay this tuba-a, tu-uba-a

Screwed

I would prefer the trumpet as my chosen instrument
Not this unwieldy bullshit, it's not my type
Tempted to blame my parents for not givin' me options
Truth is that all my protests were not made in decent time
I know it's dumb, dude
Cause it's not like I'm forced to conti-inue-ue
This as an adult, true
Damn tuba's where I excel the mo-ost, du-ude
The mo-ost, dude

I'm real good, it's true-ue, folks love it when I too-oot
But I still hate this damn tuba, buddy
I've sold out concerts, true-ue (swear tha-at it's the-e truth), got no cash worries, du-ude
But I still hate this damn tuba, buddy (ooh-oh-oh-oh)
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh (oh-oh-oh-oh-oh), yes, I pla-ay a tuba-a, tu-uba-a (tuba-a-a-a-a)
Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh (oh-oh-oh-oh-oh), hate to pla-ay this tuba-a, tu-uba-a (tuba-a-a-a-a)

Tuba, tuba-a-a, tuba, tuba-a-a
Tuba, tuba-a-a, tuba plain su-ucks