I try to live my life, live my life everyday
Keep out of strife, come what may
I try to do unto others as I'd have them do to me
But it can't be done for everyone
And now it's plain to see

You are a douche, douche, douche, douche
A big fat fizzy douche
Say it ain't true but I'm here to tell you
You're a motherfucking douche
You are a douche, douche, douche, douche
A motherfucking douche (Fuck you!)
Everybody knows from your head to your toes
You're a big fat fizzy douche

I try to be real nice, say it twice
Be real nice
Even though it is hard to keep up this facade
And now I see, deary me
What a hassle this could be
I'm out of luck, don't give a fuck
'Cause you're the douche, not me
(Why don't you go fuck yourself, dickhead?)

You are a douche, douche, douche, douche
A big fat fizzy douche
Say it ain't true but I'm here to tell you
You're a motherfucking douche
You are a douche, douche, douche, douche
A motherfucking douche
Everybody knows from your head to your toes
You're a big fat fizzy douche

Why don't you squirt that fizzy douche up your twat before I stomp on your knees?

I try to be real nice, say it twice
Good advice
Even though it's futile
Fucking imbecile
I don't know why, why I try
To deny this nagging itch
You maniac, gonna get you back
You fucking son of a bitch

You are a douche, douche, douche, douche
A big fat fizzy douche
Say it ain't true but I'm here to tell you
You're a motherfucking douche
You are a douche, douche, douche, douche
A motherfucking douche
Everybody knows from your head to your toes
You're a big fat fizzy douche!