Been reckless, a little careless
I just found that I've run out of the goo that I need now
Will things get hairy? Buddy, believe me
I sure wish that it would, man, but for it to be, need that can
I'll just look sloppy
If all the hair on my head was all askew
It can't look floppy
'Cause it would scare any child and that won't do

So I need wig glue, do you have a tube?
Don't wanna cause a scene and look like such a rube
My hair looks awful, not what I'm wantin'
Some folks look great bald but I'm just not one of 'em
Yeah, I need wig glue
Look more stupid than I already do

I can't make a purchase
'Cause I can't go outside, twit, don't trust the online shit
I feel worthless with bared epidermis
Feelin' all the wind blowin', a hat won't stop it blastin'
How dare you judge me?
Callin' me vain and lots of other words too
Why would you judge me
When you freak when I take your shades from you?

So I need wig glue, can you fetch a tube?
Don't have the time for eBay to obtain some use
What's there on offer could be a bargain
Or it could be age-old paste that won't do bollocks
Yeah, I need wig glue
I'm not Professor X, look a big fool

I need wig glue
One little tube (will last until I can get a case, true)
I need wig glue
One friggin' tube

Dude, I need wig glue, just one tiny tube (I need wig glue)
Don't want the smallest breeze to make me look a tool (a total tool)
Read horror stories, not what you'd call 'em (I need wig glue)
To you, they're "dumb sitcom scenes", got no laughs for 'em (don't like 'em, true)
Yeah, I need wig glue (not much)
I'd hate to end up as a dumb meme, dude (that much is true)
Yeah, I need wig glue (I need wig glue)
I don't why you're so hesitant, dude (don't get it, dude)
Yeah, I need wig glue (not much)
"IT'S 2 A.M.!" There's no need to be rude