Felt mouths are flappin' so free-ee-ee-ee
So out of sync, I can see-ee-ee
No proper actin' at a-a-a-all
It's just a stream of bad jo-o-okes
When I saw the advertisement in that newspaper there
Thought I'd found good entertainment, now all I do is stare
Cause I kno-o-o-ow
I wasted all of my go-o-old
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh
Want to get you o-off site
Cause your show is rea-eal shite
Buddy, come on (ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh)
Real talent, I see-ee none
Stitchin's comin' u-undone
Buddy, come on (ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh)

Tho-ose cheap as hell goog-l-y eye-eyes
The-ey keep rockin' back and forth like so
I-I can't find a single highli-ight
I-In this horrible-ass puppet show
E-Ev'ry second there's a new sli-ight
A-Against ev'ry standard that I know
Plea-ease just stop this bullshit, alri-ight
Cau-ause this is the worst damn puppet show

I really wish you would try-y-y-y
To make me laugh or smi-i-ile
But you're so under the ba-a-ar
You'd be a grand limbo sta-a-ar
Could appreciate the unique puppets that you've got there
But they're flimsily constructed with a loo brush for hair
'Fraid it's so-o-o-o
You should've ripped off a mo-o-o-old
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh
The left one is Pau-aul, right?
Hang on, wait, is i-it Mike?
Buddy, come on (ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh)
Character, there i-is none
Poor guise for poor sta-and-up
Buddy, come on (ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh)

Fli-ingin' bodies left and then ri-ight
Trea-eat the audience like utter schmoes
Ma-ay be kids, but they've got brains, ri-ight
The-ey deserve a better puppet show
Tha-at's just half your show, what's more shi-ite
I-Is the constant stream of adult jo-okes
Ki-ids won't get 'em, adults just si-igh
I-It's an awful friggin' puppet show

Ooh, buddy, buddy, want my money back, right
Ooh, buddy, buddy, cause you're awful, that's ri-ight
Ooh, buddy, buddy, clearly all improvised
Ooh, buddy, buddy, not your strength, it's too shi-ite (ee-yeah)
Ooh, buddy, buddy, no need to memorise (yeah-eah)
Ooh, buddy, buddy, a script, you're out of si-ight (ee-yeah-eah)
Ooh, buddy, buddy, can't even get that right (yeah-ooh)
Ooh, buddy, buddy
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh

We-e can see your arms at all ti-imes
Who-o wears watches these days? You, guess so
"A-Amateurish" would a sli-ight
A-Against real amateur puppet sho-ows
Fa-ascinated by the sheer si-ight (ooh-oh-oh-oh)
O-Of you failin' in ev'ry way, bro-o
I-I still want my money back, ri-ight (real soon-li-ike)
Cau-ause it's still an awful puppet show