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Song Parodies -> "Hogwarts State Of Mind"

Original Song Title:

"Empire State Of Mind"

Original Performer:

Jay-Z

Parody Song Title:

"Hogwarts State Of Mind"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Part of my "Don't Stop The Pop" self-challenge. Imagine if Harry Potter was telling the story of his life to a group of first-years at Hogwarts. Something like this would happen, methinks...
Yeah
Yeah, I'm down in Hogsmeade
Poundin' down the butterbeer
Pass the check, Accio
Done this for seven years
My name's Harry Potter
And if I made it here
Anyone can make it here
My story's told ev'rywhere
The lucky boy from England
The one they call The Boy Who Lived
Life was crap 'til one day
Got a visit from ol' Hagrid
What a birthday jackpot
The best one for me
Told me I'm a wizard, was excited as I could be
I met Ron Weasley
On the train there
He became my friend as well as Miss Granger
Got to wear that weird hat
In charge of house-sorting
Put me in Gryffindor
Learnt to ride a broom quickly
Yes, I got to fly high, that made my smile wide
Quidditch, alright, snitch was caught, gettin' high fives
I thought it was great, but there was more in store for me
Wouldn't have made it through, if it weren't for what I learned at...

At Hogwarts
Ancient castle where spells are made, oh
And potions you can brew
When you're at Hogwarts
The things you'll learn will amaze you
Teachers will inspire you
To learn more at Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hogwarts

My story gets bigger

Hangin' with the Weasely fam'ly at a quidditch game
Then I won the Triwizard Tournament, can't believe it, man
But Peter Pettigrew, killed Cedric, not cool, bro
Also revived Voldemort, that was a bummer too, though
Whoops, I skipped a couple parts
Like that evil diary plot
I'd explain, but it's too weird
Ginny sure was shocked
Then I met, Sirius, innocent, isn't mad
Saved him from execution, travelling through time, easy as that
I've got more stories, how 'bout that bitch Umbridge?
Dunno how you'd say it, best guess, she's a "blood-ist"
Write lines in my own, that's messed up "mustn't tell lies"
And then she fired Trelawny, that just crossed the line
Man, she's snake low
Racist as well
Centaurs made my day, dragged her off, gave her hell
Wasn't the end of her, how'd I survive it?
Wasn't easy, yo
All thanks to what I had learned at..

At Hogwarts
Giant castle, teachers are great, oh
Always there to help you
When you're at Hogwarts
(Watch out for that Peeves guy)
Dark Arts Defence so you aren't screwed
And Herbology, too
You'll learn it at Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hogwarts

Horcrux, find 'em
Then destroy 'em
Dumbledore told me, before he got killed, trust him
Me and Ron Weasely
And also Hermione
Skipped the last year, but of course
Granger went back, you see
Had to finish her NEWTs
That's just her style
That year, we dealt with the cold
Food often would run out
Halfway through the trip, locket put us through a trip
Ron did leave us, he came back, good for him
I had taken a dip, in a frozen lake, ouch
Had a sword in it, yeah, Ron had pulled me out
He took the goblin's sword and smashed the locket
Then it was back to school, re-find the basilisk
Battle at school, I had chosen to end my life
That was the last step to ending Voldemort's life
Missed some details, but the point of what I'm sayin' is
We would be in it deep, if I hadn't learnt magic, kids

At Hogwarts
Big ol' castle, become a mage, oh
Cast Leviosa, dude
Now you're in Hogwarts
The years will make a whole new you
No matter your house, dude
Learn great things at Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hogwarts

So wands in the air for the headmaster
Lumos, not a hard spell to master
No other wizard school can compare
Put your wands right in the air, everybody say yeaaahh
Come on, come
Yeah

At Hogwarts
Huge-arse castle, where dreams are made, oh
The teachers are no fools
When you're in Hogwarts
There will be classes to suit you
And teachers to help you
You'll learn it at Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hogwarts
Accio (ak-ee-o) = spell which makes whatever you say after come to you (as in "Accio broomstick"); Leviosa (le-vee-o-sar) = basic levitation spell; Lumos (loo-moss) = creates a light on the tip of one's wand

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