Not lockin' (where are my tools for this job?)
Can't get that damn bolt in (won't bolt in)
It's a problem (good Lord, how hard can this be? Just lock)
Don't say I've got too much caution (but that's bollocks)
Blocks robbin'
Makes sure all of our stuff stays locked in (ooh)
You bloody lock, why are you floppin' (mmh, uh)?
Come on, stay docked in

Should be headin' off to my bed zone, last thing before my eyes dim low, ooh (ah)
Close ev'ry door and window before I hit the pillows, ooh
Peruse for my tools for this shit (need my tools)
Undo my "lights off" memo (blows)
I won't risk anythin' goin' wrong (wrong)
Not the kinda thing you'd wanna let go (uh, ah)
Need all of these closed 'fore I sleep, so
Watch my ass go, won't be fadin' like weed smoke (weed smoke)
Must go "click" before I can breathe, bro (it's true)
Can't do zero work here, like hell will I be like Nero (can't do it)
Proof of that tale's zero
But it paints such an image that "real" don't (that sucks)
Twistin' my keys so
Backwards and forwards, I'm gettin' no "Bingo!" (goddamn)
That means it's all locked up, that's weak, bro (ah)
Try again 'til my wrists become weak bones
Hot damn (hot damn)
Key works fine in other doors, that's that (bading!)
New tack:
Work out why the bolts won't latch (real pain)
Kinda tricky to work out that (gah)
Break it into bits to work out that (ayy)
Easy to break, a snap (bits)
Too hard to fix, screwed after that (deepest shit)
Fumin', my head is (listen)
Though I've been twistin' in either direction
The door ain't closin' the way that I'm wishin'
All that I want is that nobody gets in (banned)
Should be at my sole discretion
And that's especially when I'm still kippin'
Plus: what'll happen when it comes the time
That I have to leave the house? Who knows what's let in (ooh)?
All will go pear-shaped, I'm stressin'
Just at the thought, come on, bloody lock, stick in
How does this work? At a loss here, 'cause, see
At the mechanical stuff, I'm just guessin' (facts)
I'm a twit, I'm a dimwit
Got paranoia that has zero limit
So late at night that my stupid brain's thinkin'
That no mechanic will answer my questions (ooh, idiot, dumb)
Don't want to be the one askin' "I know you're way beyond nappin' (nah, way past)
But my side door, somethin's packed in and I can't get the damn latch in (latch: out)"
It may be their passion
To fix near any busted things, but sleep's more important by a huge fraction
Can't consider compassion, still might do what I'm askin' (I can't, ooh)
Hard to think so when I'm still gripped by a panic
So I've put aside that smart action (wrong, I'm wrong)
Gone so beyond real ration (nah)
Y'all might see my ass in (see my ass in)
The news with a white impact caption (meme caption)

Not lockin' (I am the fool in this one)
Can't get that damn bolt in (won't bolt in)
What a problem
Stay up all night 'til it's locked in (that's an option)
Not robbin'
Any of my things, 'cause I've got this (ooh)
Crowbar, it won't solve my lock problem (mmh, uh)
Will cave your skull in