Posh twits wanna have a bit of this "fun"
They keep hearin' 'bout
But they can't exert
Na-na-na-na energy, hey
Luckily they can play croquet
Croquet

Posh gits wanna play a bit, have some fun
Don't want to move much
They're afraid of dirt
Na-na-na-na everyday (AY!)
Playin' it safe, playin' croquet
Croquet-ay-ay-ay

Want to have some fun when you're rich?
Don't want to be like the poor, man
No, you can't play football or
Base- or basketball or
Anything that might get you tanned

Sure, you've a million shoes
But there's no sneakers in amongst them
Is there a game for a highbrow douche
Where you'll never be a-breakin' a sweat?

Yes, sir
There's a game for the richer
Yes, sir
It's an easy game
Yes, sir
Barely movin' your shoulders
Won't have to put down your champagne (ay!)

Posh twits wanna have a bit of this "fun"
That they've heard about
But they're lazy, right (AY!)
Na-na-na-na but that's okay
Cause there's not much to this croquet
Croquet-ay-ay-ay

Posh gits wanna play a bit, have some fun
But they can't move much
That might spill their wine (AY!)
Na-na-na-na can't waste champagne
And that's why they're playin' croquet
Croquet-ay-ay-ay

Golf is also an option, though
The wind makes them change their mind
But croquet won't blow, it's peace on the lawn
For the toffee-nosed it's fine

Hittin' the ball through the hoops
Nothing happens, that's what rich gits like
And if you fail, you're an utter fool
It's not like this is rugby, all right

Yes, sir
It's a game for the richer
Yes, sir
For the gents and dames
Yes, sir
Follow through from your shoulder
Boy, this is sure a boring game (ay!)

Posh twits wanna have a bit of this "fun"
That they've heard about
But they're not that bright (AY!)
Na-na-na-na but that's okay
Because there's not much to croquet
Croquet-ay-ay-ay

Posh gits wanna play a bit, have some fun
They can't play hockey
Not a fan of ice (AY!)
Na-na-na-na 'cept in champagne
So right now they're playin' croquet
Croquet-ay-ay-ay

This is not a game for me
No goal that is clear, that's just weird, you see
It's simply as boring as can be
But if you are posh, might be a treat
Ay!
This is not the game for me
I know I don't like sports at all, you see
This one just crosses the line for me
But if you are posh, might be a treat
Ay!

Na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na
Though I've got a talent
Na na na na na na na
Na na na na na na
For using that mallet

Posh twits wanna have a bit of this "fun"
They've been told about
But they're kinda slack (AY!)
Na-na-na-na but it's okay
Cause they'll always have this croquet
Croquet-ay-ay-ay

Posh gits wanna play a bit, have some fun
In expensive suits
What a bunch of twats (AY!)
Na-na-na-na what a dumb game
Not much skill involved in croquet
Croquet-ay-ay-ay