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Song Parodies -> "Loud-Ass Blender"

Original Song Title:

"Now or Never"

Original Performer:

Halsey

Parody Song Title:

"Loud-Ass Blender"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Lots of distinctive sounds that can come from the kitchen...the hum of the kettle...the rush of the tap...the NYEARAGRHAGRHAGRHAGRHAGRHA of the goddamn blender...
Tryna take a nap right now, wish you'd stop that right now
Know that you've got mouths to feed, I'm one of 'em, turn it down for me
Could you make lunch without much of that sound? Dude, please
It's a pain in the butt or rather in the ear, can't drown it, geez, yeah
Don't care what you're makin' for me or how it's gonna take some time
All the times you say you're sorry won't make up for my tortured mind
Not a fan of the way it bores me, I don't mean the sleepy kind
More like a drill, the way it bores me, so stop it right now, right now

You're usin' a real loud, loud, loud, loud, loud, loud (hey)
Loud-ass blender, hey, hey (hey)
I want you to shut it down, down, down, down, down, down (hey)
Down forever, hey, hey (hey)
All those blades in there keep whiskin' around
'Round, I'm deafer, hey, hey (hey)
Because of that stupid loud, loud, loud, loud, loud, loud (hey)
Loud-ass blender, whoa-oh

Sure you can't use a knife right now? A little slice 'n' dice now
Bring a hammer down for me, can deal with that thumpin' sound, you see
But I can't recall any noise worse than that right now, I need
You to stop it and call on all your skills to swap it out for me, yeah
No, I can't just close the doors, see, it's piercin' through, that nasty whine
And I can't just plug my ears, please, won't hear my wake-up call, not right
Has to be a method less noisy, I think a rollin' pin's fine
Come up with a method less noisy 'cause I'm Z-lite now, light now

You're usin' a real loud, loud, loud, loud, loud, loud (hey)
Loud-ass blender, hey, hey (hey)
I want you to kill it now, now, now, now, now, now (hey)
Now, not never, hey, hey (hey)
So sick of that metal whippin' around
'Round, I'm deafer, hey, hey (hey)
Because of that stupid loud, loud, loud, loud, loud, loud (hey)
Loud-ass blender, whoa-oh

Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm, uh, yeah
Shut it right up, don't take more nap time up (oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh), yeah
My mind might just pop and melt right into slime, bud (yeah-eah-eah-eah)
Sure, it might suck, an old model, right sucks (yeah)
Buddy, you gotta decide somethin' 'cause this blows

You're usin' a real loud, loud, loud, loud, loud, loud (hey)
Loud-ass blender, hey, hey (hey)
Fix it so the noise cuts out, out, out, out, out, out (hey)
Out forever, hey (out forever), hey (hey)
Like a whisper as it's whiskin' around
'Round like feathers, hey, hey (hey)
And no longer a real loud, loud, loud, loud, loud, loud (hey)
Loud-ass blender, whoa-oh

Only way it could be worse is if they're blending beetroot. Not that I dislike beetroot, it just makes the blender look like someone put their hand in there.

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Total Votes: 1

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User Comments

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deaffy - June 15, 2022 - Report this comment
think it's loud now try it with one of these new pick up every sound and make it louder Co Implants

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