Man, that match was crazy, I'll explain to you
Then you can tell me how you ended up in jail too
All started at half past three, when the whistle blew
That pointy ball was flyin' high, scored a point or two
And that would've been all grand and fine
But this sport has a rep, you'll find
It's not a simple romp like soccer, no
It's often a quite violent show

The sight's not pretty, a mangle of body parts
If you come out clean, you'll get really glared at hard
"Where were you?" Words that aren't pretty, it may come off as harsh
No-one comes out pretty, whole thing's so gritty
It's a rugby farce

"I'm confused" Don't worry, it will make sense, you'll see
Wasn't even half-time, okay, heard the whistle tweet
This whole game is rough, it's true, it's fun to see
So what earned that yellow card there, yeah, that's a mystery
A decision that nobody liked
Not one player from either side
Well, all except the one who copped the blow
He's not in a state to say so

Things got less pretty, all 'cause of a yellow card
The standards at play are real silly, best not start
We've got invectives less pretty than that guy's face, sounds harsh
The whole thing went squishy, scene got less pretty
Ooh-whoa-oh, it's a rugby farce

What got less pretty, man, this is where I'm a star (ah-ah)
The crowd got so divided, 'bout three equal parts (ah-ah)
One third, with the ref, agreement, one third said "No" real hard (ah-ah)
Final third got pissy that things weren't pretty (ah-ah)
Things got rough, so rough, real rough-ass farce
It's dumb, so dumb, this rugby farce, so

It got real messy, the whole team got yellow cards
Then red, then whatever comes next, don't know that part
Don't follow sports, it seems silly that I flipped out so hard
Caught up in a tizzy, things got so messy
Yeah, ooh-whoa-oh, in that rugby farce
Now I feel shitty 'bout faces I smashed real hard
Thought it was soccer that got messy, well, in part
That's off the pitch, not that gritty on where the ball's kicked hard
Now I feel so shitty and still quite dizzy
So dizzy, so dizzy, stupid rugby farce