Could you do me a favour and hide your Sprite?
Cause my mate is cryin' now
You could call him insane if your mind is shite
He's in pain, no lyin'
He trembles just at the sight of a fresh Pepsi
Or whatever soft drink's flowin'
And I don't think it's fair to mock him harshly
His background ain't one you're knowin'
To you, he may seem ditzy
But he deserves your pity
There's no need to act shitty
Cause my mate's afraid of fizzy

Yes, my mate's afraid of fizzy

He used to be so, so social
Called "Samsung", he was so mobile
One woeful fast food run one night
Made replies of his go all "no way"
Blame it on one little brat, that twat shook up
A bunch of Coke knock-off six-packs
Then he gave 'em as a bad joke
All it takes is one asshole for a brain to snap
And now he can't go for a snack
The drinks aisle always takes him back
He's not just bein' pissy
No, my mate's afraid of fizzy

Now ev'ry single day, my friend tries to hide
See his face? He's cryin' now
Should not have to explain, he won't like a Sprite
Ev'ry day is tryin'
It all got in his hair, can't be tellin' me
If it was you, you'd want jokin'
It may seem slightly silly
But my mate's afraid of fizzy

Yes, my mate's afraid of fizzy

He's fine with coffee, white or black
One single Sunkist, though? He'll crack
Needs bottles to get tipsy
Cause my mate's afraid of fizzy

Your throat gets really gritty
When your mate's afraid of fizzy