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Song Parodies -> "Mine Won't Tear"

Original Song Title:

"I Don't Care"

Original Performer:

Ed Sheeran & Justin Bieber

Parody Song Title:

"Mine Won't Tear"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Part of my "Run Away" self-challenge. You ever have trouble tearing things apart that are designed to be easy to tear apart? I know I have. So I decided to express my frustration...in SONG!
I'm kinda hungry but I'm also real slack
Not in the mood for goin' for a drive, yeah
Only lunch, so I don't have to be flash
Therefore a cup of noodles will be quite right
Was a simple plan
But in the films, they go to crap, hell yeah
What is my problem? Wait and then I'll tell ya
Since it's the point of this track
No issue gettin' water hot, see
Got 'bout twenty forks in the tray, yeah-eah
But where I stumble and fume hotly, mmm-mmm
Is at the damn flavour sachet

'Cause mine won't tear, kinda drives me crazy, yeah-eah
I don't want plain noodles here
Shouldn't be hard to peel but I guess I've proved that wrong, geez
Want some beef noodles, but I can't rip through, it's crazy, yeah-eah
Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh
No, mine won't tear, it won't let me get in here
I don't think it's really fair
S'pposed to be no big deal, but right now I'm still hungry
I can feel where to start, right, but this damn thing hates me, yeah-eah
Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

It's not the first time that I've gone through this crap
Ev'ry "easy tear" thing gives me hell
Plastic, paper, cardboard, all hate my hands
Won't let me get inside it now
I could be eatin' privately
Or in public where my friends can see that I suck
Just want some sugar in my coffee, not right
What's wrong with a teaspoon for that?
Cause then I won't look really slobby
When I lose grip and sugar sprays, oh-oh, yeah-eah-eah-ee-yeah-eah-eah
"Goin' too fast, that makes you sloppy"? Mmm-mmm
Tried that before, still won't give way

No, mine won't tear, really drives me crazy, yeah-eah
I feel like a moron here
Honestly, it does feel like I am the only one, geez
Who can't peel these damn things right, so my face looks crazy, yeah-eah
Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh (oh, yeah, yeah-eah, yeah-eah)
Damn, mine won't tear, give me the pot, bet in here
Is one that works, only fair
Simple act, no big deal, I swear I'm not this clumsy
Fingers feel where to start, right, but all these things hate me, yeah-eah
Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh (no)

No-one lends a hand, that feels rude, so I'm left strugglin' here
I asked around for help, it's true, because mine won't tear
Scissors? Anyone? No? So rude to leave me fumin' here
'Fraid I left mine at home, it's true, this sucks, yeah

'Cause mine won't tear (my time here), bloody drives me crazy, yeah-eah (oh-oh, yeah-eah)
Wastin' all of my time here (waste time here)
Friends are laughin', I feel that's dickish, hope it's not just me (hopin' it's not just me)
They can peel these in no time (peel in no time), to leave me's just lazy, yeah-eah
Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh (ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh, yeah-eah, yeah-eah, yeah)
Damn, mine won't tear, I can tell that all y'all here (y'all here)
Have done this crap with no flair (with no flair, with no flair)
To you, it's no big deal, so why make me look clumsy (why make me look clumsy? Yeah, yeah-eah-ee-yeah)?
Come on, peel this for me, I know these damn things hate me, yeah-eah (oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh)
Ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh

YOU ARE TEARING ME APART, LISA!!1

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