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Song Parodies -> "Serpent"

Original Song Title:

"Perfect"

Original Performer:

Ed Sheeran

Parody Song Title:

"Serpent"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Part of my "How We Do It" self-challenge. Yep, United State of Pop time again, and again the first song parodied is the current number one song in 'Murika! Today we delve into a classic entry on the Evil Overlord list, number 34 to be precise: I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.
I thought you'd stomp on me
Oh lordy, I'm likin' this, you squandered your lead
Well, this will still hurt and you're now more lean
Oh, but it's the truth, the perks are swamped by the downsides, see
You cast your magicks in hopes that you'd crush the hero, that's me, but
You missed the fact that for your bite
You lost your arms and, lo, your magic had to go
And so you'll find your gut, I'll slice
Then you'll die

Thought you'd cause more harm or cause me to depart
Dragon? I'd move fast, but you didn't choose to be that form
And now you will meet your end because you picked the wrong damn spell
Won't be workin', moron, giant serpent? You'll die

More reasons it's stupid: I doubt you're used to slith'rin', no
You may be sleek, but that won't help you gain speed, you dope
Thought you had luck, now I can't hide with your heat-vision
Look at me, bud: I've never been the stealth hero
Muscles are thick, my sword's huge and stuff, plate mail makes such a stomp
It's great you gained some height, that's fine
But now that you're not a man, had reserves 'bout killin' that
But a great beast? Well, that's alright
Now you'll die

Showdowns should be hard, instead I'm laughin' hard
This was your trump card? Excuse me, didn't mean to snort
Soon your floor will be a mess, huge guts look horrible
When they've been burst out from a giant serpent, you'll die

And oh-ooh-oh-oh-oh
Mmm-mmm

Claim that I'm smug 'bout this? You arse, sure I won't miss my mark
Your beastie was a task, but this won't make me sweat all that much
There's the square-cube law, you see
Under your weight, you'll squish, to stay as a person
And not a serpent
That would mean my hurtin', a huge serpent? You'll die

A snake, am I? Perhaps you'd like to see how sssssnakelike I can be!

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 4.0
How Funny: 3.5
Overall Rating: 4.0

Total Votes: 2

Voting Breakdown

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