"Hello? Your attention, please
Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz here
As you're no doubt aware right now, plans for development
Of the galaxy means that your
Planet's one of those set for
Demolition
It's your fault if you're surprised, plans have been
On display for 50 Earth years, yeesh"

It's been a big day
Started when I first woke
All I could see was yellow
Took a while to click just what
The yellow thing that I spied
Turned out to be, was not right
Construction workers had come
To bulldoze my poor home today, wait

That gruff foreman was completely mad
Said it's all my fault, I hadn't seen the plans
I said "Yes, I did, real tricky to be found
In a cellar, no lights and no stairs around"
Ho-oh, ho ("They've been up, calm down")
In a cabinet's where you left 'em
In a disused lavatory
With a sign "Beware of the Leopard"
That's not a proper "open access" story

I saw no leopard
That a joke? Uh

Stubborn, I was so
Lyin' in the mud there
Suddenly my friend Ford's there
He's wantin' me to rise to head to the pub
Couldn't indulge him
What I'm doin' was so important
Got no time to get drunk
He's so insistent, then I watch him say

"Mr. Dent hasn't become un-mad
It's fair to assume he'll lie there all day, sad
And since you're resigned to simply stand around
You don't need him here to lie there in the ground
Ho-oh, ho-oh, ho ("Guess that makes sense now")
So take his place now, go swap over
Someone's got to stop this, get me?
If my friend can't halt the bulldozers
Has to be someone, so lie down, get muddy"

Was thinkin' while sittin' at the pub drinkin'
Just sinkin' into depression, how'd it all go bad?
Maybe this day's problems are just a function
Of the day that they're occurin', never really had the hang of Thursdays
Three pints at lunchtime? A bit much for lunchtime
"Time's an illusion, made double at lunchtime"
Quite an odd sentence from my friend Ford Prefect
Suggested to send it to Reader's Digest
Joke went past him, wow, he's only suggestin' to me
That I need muscle relaxant, tells me
He's not from Guildford at all but really
A planet near Betelgeuse, which is strange
"Is that a thing that you're likely to say?"
Wasn't a fan of the look on his face
Told the whole bar the world would end today
Barely ten minutes 'til there's nought but space
I heard a rumble
It was all those bulldozers makin' my house rubble
Sure, I got enraged, but
It meant nothin', the whole world's space dust, there, we've caught up

"Check the Guide right now"?
Sure, the cover says to not panic
Look, Ford, have you lived through "lately"?
I just lost my whole bloody planet
All your snark, I don't much appreciate, please

Stuck out your thumb
And now we're on this spaceship here, then

Might throw up, this is all a bit mad
I hope the aliens won't judge this dressin' gown that I have
Yeah, this is all that I have
'Cause I had no time to get dressed this mornin', yeah
It's sure been a real weird mornin'
Mornin', ho, ho-oh, ho-oh, ho, ho