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Song Parodies -> "Guardians of the Galaxy"

Original Song Title:

"I'm the One"

Original Performer:

DJ Khaled

Parody Song Title:

"Guardians of the Galaxy"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Part of my "How We Do It" self-challenge. They call themselves the Guardians of the Galaxy. What a bunch of a-holes.
Yondu:
Bunch of huge a-holes
Won't trade 'em up
Kick some asses

Rocket Raccoon (Groot):
Yeah, we're not the tightest group but we know how to fight foes
Guardians, yeah, Guardians
Gonna steal a giant gun, watch me blast your hide now
Guardians, yeah (I'm Groot), Guardians, yeah (I'm Groot)
Don't wanna talk 'bout my experimentation
I'd rather set up some moon-sized detonations
See us comin', well, you're gonna die now
Guardians, yeah, oh-eh-oh-oh-oh-eh-oh
Guardians, oh-eh-oh-oh-oh-eh-oh
We're the Guardians, oh-eh-oh-oh-oh-eh-oh
Guardians, oh-eh-oh-oh-oh-eh-oh
We're the Guardians

Star-Lord:
Yeah, yeah, Star-Lord!
Token human, that's my main spot (skip it)
Still the one to dish out pain lots (pain lots)
Sweet-ass mask which I can switch off, one flick, stopped (switched off)
Two Quad blasters if I wanna make shit hot (hot)
You heard of me? No? Cool, ain't the first one (jeez)
Bet you haven't heard of the planet Earth, cause
I grew up there, just my mama, Dad was a jerkwad (mama)
Ran when she died, got abducted and that perp was
Just the biggest, bluest jerk in all space, his (skrt)
Whole damn crew wanted to eat me, which is heinous (yeah)
But I guess since my real dad was less gracious (why?)
Tried to kill all words *cough cough* I'm thankful

Rocket Raccoon (Groot):
Yeah, that's really sad, boo-hoo, you'll never see me cry, no
Guardians, yeah, Guardians
Not just puttin' up a front, do you buy that lie now?
Guardians, yeah (I'm Groot), Guardians, yeah (I'm Groot)
Why this pretty boy is our leader escapes me
Maybe because he's the best at that empathy
When he's gunnin', you're still gonna die now
Guardians, yeah, oh-eh-oh-oh-oh-eh-oh
Guardians, oh-eh-oh-oh-oh-eh-oh
We're the Guardians, oh-eh-oh-oh-oh-eh-oh
Guardians, oh-eh-oh-oh-oh-eh-oh
We're the Guardians

Gamora:
Okay, though
Uh, I'll beat your face 'til your last tooth is spilled
Not very nice, a heart of ice but it could prove to melt *cough*
As a "daughter" of Thanos, rare a good mood is felt
Then I learned I gave my poor sister Nebula hell *cough*
Huh! Huh! Kick ass? I'm quite able
Since I'm an assassin, foes I will disable
Long as I get my pay, don't care who's enabled
Long as it's not Thanos, he's a bit unstable, okay, though
Guns, guns, guns, I'll shoot guns for ya
And I don't care if that's Peter's thing and I'm the sword user
Mmm, fear the woman in green, clean house when on the scene
Hate me? Okay, okay, though

Rocket Raccoon (Groot):
Yeah, you're green, your sister's blue, makes sense, I'll wink my eye, so
Guardians, yeah, Guardians
The wrong eye again? That sucks, still gave one more try now
Guardians, yeah (I'm Groot), Guardians, yeah (I'm Groot)
Don't know why this lady even tolerates us
Stay on her good side or she'll eviscerate us
Sword or gunnin', you're all gonna die now
Guardians, yeah, oh-eh-oh-oh-oh-eh-oh
Guardians, oh-eh-oh-oh-oh-eh-oh
We're the Guardians, oh-eh-oh-oh-oh-eh-oh
Guardians, oh-eh-oh-oh-oh-eh-oh
We're the Guardians

Drax the Destroyer:
Lookin' for the one to kill them all? Well, I'm the one
I'm a huge threat because my muscles are large ones
First I was huntin' for that Ronan but we all destroyed that Ronan
That killed-my-fam'ly Ronan's now dispersed-into-atoms Ronan, oh my God
But in this team, I'll stay because Thanos
In charge at the time, plan to cut his head right off with my knives
I know I'm prone to folly like drunk callin'
Thought that right then I'd stop him but I made things worse, I'm honest, understand me
While I'm out here killin', I'm still missin'
Wife and daughter, feelin's deep, some say my face ain't slippin'
But that's dumb, it's still intact, it's just a turn of phrase I'm missin'
At least that's what I'm guessin', busy slittin' throats, I'm killin' so much

Rocket Raccoon (Groot):
Yeah, you should lay off the booze, Thanos don't have a dial tone
Guardians, yeah, Guardians
One day you'll use metaphors, 'til then, roll my eyes round
Guardians, yeah (I'm Groot), Guardians, yeah (I'm Groot)
Point of all of this? Despite our inner ragin'
We're pretty good at this whole galaxy savin'
Our ship's comin', foes are gonna die now
Guardians, yeah, oh-eh-oh-oh-oh-eh-oh
Guardians, oh-eh-oh-oh-oh-eh-oh
We're the Guardians, oh-eh-oh-oh-oh-eh-oh
Guardians, oh-eh-oh-oh-oh-eh-oh
We're the Guardians (Groot, I am Groot)

Peter's a jerk, manchild, big jerk
Still Guardian, it's true (I am Groot)
We're Guardians
Gamora hurts, huge aloof jerk
Still Guardian, it's true (I am Groot)
We're Guardians
Drax is a jerk, violent-ass jerk
Still Guardian, it's true (I am Groot)
We're Guardians
I'm a big jerk, we're all such jerks
Still Guardians, it's true (I am Groot)
We're Guardians

That's twice I couldn't fit all the artists into the "Original Performer Name" box. The full list woulda been "DJ Khaled ft. Justin Bieber, Quavo, Chance the Rapper, & Lil Wayne". Couldn't even get through Chance's whole name (which is a shame since he's the best artist out the whole lot, IMO).

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 3

Voting Breakdown

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 5   3
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Jeff - January 08, 2018 - Report this comment
MARVEL-ous!

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