We can all see you are a jerkface
Think you've earned a few slaps from me
Gonna be painful, but it may look too hateful
But I've got a method to save face
Make a threat but not remove teeth
So in the future, you won't be needin' sutures

Next time you want to bro-fist
For bein' sexist scum
I'll be raisin' my own fist
While shoutin' to anyone:

"Somebody hold me! This dude
Is a total dick that needs a takedown or two
So I'll need a faux-leash, true 'cause this right jerk
Is gonna need a new chin"
But inside I'd hate to get in trouble for it
So I need a faux-leash, man, you're a right jerk

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh

Got a deep need to punch out douches
'Cause callin' them that ain't enough
Feel I'm in the right but the optics just ain't right
While you may be a total douchecanoe (real douchecanoe)
Not bein' violent, a low bar, it's true (low bar, it's true)
My ground ain't high, my morality ground ain't high (oh, oh, oh)

Callin' you out feels hopeless
Since all you do is shrug (all you do is shrug)
So while I'll raise my own fist
I'll call out to anyone close:

"Somebody hold me! This dude
Is a prick askin' to become all black and blue"
Hope they'll be my faux-leash, you've been a right jerk
All want to beat up a dick
But it's very easy to then play the victim
So I need a faux-leash, man, you're a right jerk

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh (you're a right jerk)
And don't think I've not noticed (oh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
You expectin' a punch (oh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh) (expectin' a punch)
Won't give you what you're hopin' (oh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
Although it's what I do want (oh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh) (you're a right jerk)

Yeah-eah-eah-eah
Hopin' somebody's noticed
To help me hold back my punch

"Somebody hold me!" Assumed
That I'd get held back before I could wallop you
Can't they be my faux-leash? You've (clear you've) been a right jerk
I thought we all loved to kick
Assholes in the balls but just can't go through with it (ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
I can't see a faux-leash, man, (clear that) you're a right jerk (such a loathed shite)

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh (hey)
Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh (you're a right jerk)
I guess my plan was bogus (oh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
Wasn't quite up to snuff (oh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh) (not that up to snuff)
Well, let's see if my own fist (oh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh)
Can flatten a pile of scum (oh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh) (you're a right jerk)