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Song Parodies -> "Handwriting"

Original Song Title:

"I Like It"

Original Performer:

Cardi B, Bad Bunny & J Balvin

Parody Song Title:

"Handwriting"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Part of my "Turnin' It Up" self-challenge. How's your handwriting? Mine's kinda shit. Kinda like this poor bastard...
Hahahahaha
Yeah baby, handwritin's quite bad
Nobody believes me when I tell 'em
'Fraid my handwritin's quite bad (woo!)
You're gonna believe me, watch me scribble
See, my handwritin's shite

Afraid I'm awful as a writer, like a drunken, wobbly spider (yeah)
Was let loose upon the page, that's my pen, grip's no tighter (tighter)
Than if I'd dropped it in water (drop) and not dried my hands off
Even if grease was the fluid, couldn't top how bad it's got (so shit)
The effect is all my text is utter nonsense, looks like crap (what?)
And it always takes too long to work out what I meant, man (ah)
Does it say "party" (aha)? "Hearty"? Maybe "potty"? "Origami" or "castrati"?
Bollocks (aha), doesn't say "commie", don't say that, buddy (rrr, woo)
You're still confused, it's fair that you (you) would take a big guess and assume (total shite)
That I'd remember the intent I had, I should recall all my words, man (total shite)
Have to say I'm sorry, bro (sorry, bro), call my brain a sloppy joe (sloppy joe) (total shite)
Yeah, I will be harsh on me, I should know all the parts I wrote (woo, crap)

I just mess up ev'ry page, page ('fraid my handwritin's quite bad)
Cause my penmanship is rank (rrr, hahaha), rank, rank, rank (see, my handwritin's shite, woo)
Cop a lot of jokes, fair game, woo, woo ('fraid my handwritin's quite bad)
Oh, I join right in, know I'm lame (rrr, hahaha)? Yeah, woo, crap (hate my handwritin')
Oh, I know I'm awful, so shit ('fraid my handwritin's quite bad)
Pen or pencil, hand wobbles (rrr, hahaha), uh (see, my handwritin's shite)
Man, I'd hate to see it worsen ('fraid my handwritin's quite bad, skrrt)
That shit is my burden (rrr, hahaha) (hate my handwritin'), hard for me

Some say, some say "What is the problem (problem)?
Who writes things down? Ain't normal, use a computer, you moron (hehe)"
They would have a point (woo), but I must dispute that (yeah)
Besides them bein' such an ass, they forgot the facts, man, yeah
I might not write letters (yeah), but I still write notes so there is still the problem (woo)
A waste of good Post-It's, if I can be honest, yeah (woo)
They're meant to remind me what to get when shoppin' (no)
Should not take three columns before I remember the problem (again)
No wonder that half the things I need are forgotten, yeah
Whenever I have to sign for things, it's awful (total shite)
Whether at the bank or shipments of toy models (like starships) (total shite)
They all ask me if I've been hittin' the bottle (I don't drink) (total shite)
So unfair, I thought ev'ry signature was awful (woo)
Forgotten the skills I learned as a preteen (woo)
Forced to learn cursive, only got a "B" (shit)
As soon as it could, out my brain, it leaked, yeah (boo)
Sure, I don't write that much, that I will admit
But it's not as old-hat as one would think
So I'm not just "whinin'", you absolute git (rrrah)

Not often I use a page, I'm honest, buddy, buddy, buddy ('fraid my handwritin's quite bad)
But when I have to, it's rank (rrr, hahaha), rank, rank, rank (see, my handwritin's shite, woo)
Got no choice, I can't abstain, woo, woo ('fraid my handwritin's quite bad)
Oh, from the "writin' shit down" game (rrr), yeah, woo, uh (hate my handwritin')
Oh, I know I'm awful, so shit ('fraid my handwritin's quite bad)
Right hand's stuck with the wobbles (rrr, hahaha, see, my handwritin's shite)
If you wanna see it worsen ('fraid my handwritin's quite bad, skrrt)
My left hand is worthless (rrr) (hate my handwritin')

I can't wait to full-switch to computin' (-putin') (writin's quite bad)
I don't wanna go and waste time on practice on what I ain't usin' (ah) (writin's shite)
Man, I'd feel really friggin' stupid (writin's quite bad)
To bring a near-dead skill up to perfection in time for it to be useless (useless, useless)
Don't tell me that you blame it on my large intake of java (woo) (total shite)
Cu-cu-cup of coffee is to blame for nada (woo) (total shite)
No, I shouldn't bother (eh) cause it's gonna stay like Alessia Cara (eh) (total shite)
What, I screwed up the ref'rence (woo)? She still does the vocals, no need to be a pedant (eh)
The point is I (I) know any work is bogus (bogus)
A waste of time to work out who's got the right diagnosis (-nosis, -nosis)
Or prognosis, on the diff', don't focus (focus, focus)
But although it won't change, don't mean it's not bogus (bogus, bogus, bogus)

'Fraid my handwritin's quite bad
'Fraid my handwritin's quite bad (rrr, hahaha)
Rrr, 'fraid my handwritin's quite bad (woo)
'Fraid my handwritin's quite bad

Hate all my words on the page, page ('fraid my handwritin's quite bad)
I won't try to up my rank (rrr, hahaha), rank (see, my handwritin's shite, woo)
I know it'll go to waste, woo ('fraid my handwritin's quite bad)
Oh, plus the jokes don't cause much rage (rrr, hahaha)? Yeah, (hate my handwritin')

I dunno how it is in America, but my school had you go from pencil to pen to pen in cursive to then just sorta dropping the need to write in cursive once middle school started. Not too mad about it, mostly because cursive is basically illegible, IMO.

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User Comments

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Youthful Curmudgeon - January 08, 2019 - Report this comment
That's sort of how it went at my elementary school in Minnesota, but that was back in the 1980s.

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