If I come to see you, buddy
In my zeal, I'll trip and fall
And it would take a whole lot of concentration
To make me stop getting both hands caught between
The frame and the door

I guess that you could call me clumsy
I missed a step, now my knees could use some gauze
Apologizin' for all the bones that I'm breakin'
Hospital bill is high
Cause ev'ry sec, somethin' else is sore

My accident rate's high
Abnormally clumsy
Shampoo in my eye
Ev'ry three days, buddy
Please help me out
I've got another sprain, it all hurts the same
Ev'ryday I'm in pain, pain, pai-ai-ai-ain

Ev'ry disease I have contracted
One cold after another, I don't know why
Ooh, my shins have matching bruises from the coffee table
Tellin' you, all of my limbs hurt
And there's a snake latched on my thigh

Wish I could explain why I am always hurt so bad
Ooh, is it genetics, or is my luck shite?
Man, the pain is high, it's high, so high, real hi-i-igh
You could use me as your thesis cause I'm bleeding
Despite not moving, right

If this wasn't me, I
Think it would be funny
All this for one guy
A bit too much, buddy
A real workout
For doctors, gotta say, hope they get good pay
Ev'ryday I'm in pain, pain, pai-ai-ai-ain

Oh, hope I'll be (hope I'll be) alright (alright)
More nosebleeds (more nosebleeds) oh my (oh my)
And when I'm discharged, I'm bettin' some car crashes
Right into me, that's right

Somehow I'm still alive
Doesn't make sense, buddy
But since I'm not dead, I
Guess my luck ain't crummy
And also I've found
A nurse who thinks I'm great, so because we date
I'm not in as much pain, pain, pai-ai-ai-ain