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Song Parodies -> "Atlantean Jerk"

Original Song Title:

"American Girl"

Original Performer:

Bonnie McKee

Parody Song Title:

"Atlantean Jerk"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

It's been a while since I last did a comic book parody, so let's have a little singalong about one of the oldest heroes around...well, maybe "hero" isn't the best descriptor here...
Tell me if all of this sounds real familiar at all:
Superhero who's the looked-down-upon progeny of
A human man and an Atlantean who was royal
He's super-strong and with the fishes, can communicate
Which, as a power, doesn't sound useful in any way
He wears a silly outfit, doesn't really help his case

But this is not Arthur Curry, yeah-eah
He came before him, don't worry, yeah-eah
First Marvel Comic, he starred in, yeah-eah
But less likely to have heard of him

Cause he's an Atlantean jerk
He's not a man who's that fun to know
May not aim to take over the world
But Namor's an Atlantean jerk, whoa-oh-oh-oh
A real douchebag, don't try deflection
Want some proof? Better go ask Susan
Marriage ain't founded on kidnappin', oh, hell no

Such a self-servin' prick, it makes it hard to find some glee
In laughin' at his speedos and the wings upon his feet
Like those things could help one fly with any real stability

Don't trust this asshole, not sorry, yeah-eah
Part of the Illuminati, yeah-eah
Heroes who save the world dirty, yeah-eah
Villain version? With them too, nasty

Yes, he's an Atlantean jerk
May be an outcast, but you should know
That excuse only has so much worth
Cause Namor's an Atlantean jerk, whoa-oh-oh-oh
He just does whatever he's wantin'
With no thought to a nicer option
He's the best, at least in his noggin, oh, hell no

There's elements that I could like (oh, there's things that I could like)
Rejected by all walks of life (oh, nobody likes him, right)
A backed-up ego, quite Stark-like (oh, could have been quite Stark-like)
A pity he's a right-old shite

Nope, he's an Atlantean jerk
Can't keep it in his tiny speedos
"No" means "no" ain't somethin' that he's learned (he's such a asshole)
That Namor's an Atlantean jerk (yes, he's an Atlantean jerk)
Would be great as a clear-cut villain
But he's framed as a hero? Bullshit
There's anti-heroes, then there's this prick, oh, hell no
Cause he's an Atlantean jerk
I'm glad his film rights are tied-up, so
A shot at the MCU won't work (thanks, Universal)
Screw Namor, Atlantean jerk

Seriously, before I started doing research for this parody, Namor to me was "that Marvel heroe with the green budgie-smuglers". Now, though, he's "that dickbag who sank Wakanda, refused to apologise even if he was possessed by the Phoenix Force, then joined up with Thanos when the Wakandans retaliated".

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