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Song Parodies -> "Bad Die"

Original Song Title:

"Bad Guy"

Original Performer:

Billie Eilish

Parody Song Title:

"Bad Die"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Part of my "Run Away" self-challenge. Everybody has bad luck with their dice in D&D sometimes. This poor bastard just has that more than most.
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm
Da-da-da, da, da, da-da-da-da
Mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm

Our first fight of the night, some trolls
This should be over quick, we roll
On wood and let our luck unfold
If we succeed at all
Bullshit, you got fifteen, mine's two
Thrag's aim is just a bit askew
While your elf's shots always hit true
Next round, the same crap roll

This is a dumb die
Infused-with-bad-luck die
Never-hits-enough die
Makes-Thrag-look-a-putz die
Stats are mad high
He shoulda hit that guy
Instead swung his axe high
Makes my anger stack high
It's a bad die
Ugh

It's a bad die

Don't like my constant, shitty rolls
Whether attacks or savin' throws
Even initiative is low
Why can't I win at all?
I've got some more, think I should swap
Try out this green-with-blue-swirls one
Again, I cannot hit a thing
Somethin' feels really wrong

Another dumb die
Never-addin'-up die
Digits-always-one die
No natural-one die
It's still bad, I
Hate your "just a bad night"
Always happens, can't I
Try yours? They're less crap, I
Hate my bad dice
Ugh

They're all bad dice
Ugh
Ah-ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah-ah (ev'ry d20 rolls so bad), ah-ah-ah-ah
Ah-ah-ah-ah, ah-ah-ah-ah (bad)
Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah

Won't say goodbye to Thrag
Did say he had high stats, health won't get low
Way too hard to hit me
But still, wanna be more use, see
More than a meat shield and the butt of the joke
Thanks to bad dice, huh
I-I hate bad dice
Bad dice, bad dice, mine are bad, huh

I kinda find it amusing that I'm submitting this after a D&D session where I didn't roll a single die that whole night. Let's hope tonight's session doesn't end up like poor dude-playing-Thrag!

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