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Song Parodies -> "Pan's Not Hot"

Original Song Title:

"Man's Not Hot"

Original Performer:

Big Shaq

Parody Song Title:

"Pan's Not Hot"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Damnit, frying pan, burn my meats!
Yo
Goddamn, this shit ain't workin', pan's not hot
Should be hot, skrrat (got a problem, got a problem)
Skidi-kat-kat (got a problem, got a problem), boom

Want to cook meatballs but the problem is I can't
And I'm not one to eat raw, not me (ah)
Shouldn't be really hard, no truths to uncover
Make the ting go crack-crack-crack, heat should be comin' (did not come)
I want my meat (cow muscles) not red and bloody (bad ting)
Some blood's not bad (alright), medium rare, please (chew)
No flash, flash, flash from below, which is a big pain (uh)
Both for me and others around me (you see)
If, if, if, if, if I don't make the flames go cook like so (cook like so)
The gas might then blow up the whole house or we'd all choke (coughin')
That's not a fun way to go, hah, death from a stove (evil stove, fam)
Stove, you suck, don't be a lazy loaf

My fryin' pan's not hot, my fryin' pan's not hot
I have switched 'em, wok or the skillet, all the same: pan's not hot (should be hot)
My fryin' pan's not hot (should be hot), my fryin' pan's not hot (should be hot)
I'm not kiddin', can't brown a fillet or a steak, pan's not hot (should be hot)

What's this the fault of? What damn part's wrong? Why is the damn flame not on (must ask)?
Did I break the stupid knob (no)? Is my bill not paid off (uh?)
It seems that answers, I have a lot (quite a bit), but to know
A solution is somethin' I have not (dimwit)
I can turn things off (kill it) and then on then off (switch 'em)
Mechanic, that I am not ('fessin'), can't wrench up (dunce)
Ain't got (sorry) a lot (uh)
No, fool, ah
I wrench like skrrah (ah), pop, pop, ka-ka-ka (ka-ka)
Skidi-ki-pop-pop (pah) and a pu-pu-brr-boom (boom)
Ski-ya (ah), du-du-ku-ku-dun-dun (dun)
Tool fool, I dun know

My fryin' pan's not hot (pan's not), my fryin' pan's not hot (should be hot)
Got screwdrivers but can't do jack shit, so it stays: pan's not hot (should be hot)
My fryin' pan's not hot, my fryin' pan's not hot (should be hot)
Dad gave me tools but I just whack shit, still got pain, pan's not hot

Pan should be so damn hot (so damn hot), it peels off my skin (pain, dat)
I'm so pissed (come on, haha), I wanna eat meat, don't ya (uh-huh)?
It's still raw (that's bad), got rage (shh)
You try it, mate, won't work for me (heat's yet to sting)
I've wrenched like skrrah (ah), pop, pop, ka-ka-ka (ka)
Skidi-ki-pop-pop (pah) and a pu-pu-brr-boom (boom)
Ski-ya (ah), du-du-ku-ku-dun-dun (dun)
Tool fool, I dun know

The crap? Pan's all hot
The fryin' pan's all hot (really hot), how'd you work it out? Pan's all hot (come on)
So (ah), us the wrong knob, pan's not hot (should be hot)
Yeah, I'm the dum-dum knob

While I can say that I've never mixed up which knob turns on which element, I have once failed to turn the element off properly. Not a good thing to happen when a) your parents aren't home and b) your sense of smell is too jacked to recognise the scent of gas for several hours. Didn't blow up the house, but my brother and I did metaphorically wet ourselves. Did I mention this was only a few years ago?

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