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Song Parodies -> "Locked Can"

Original Song Title:

"Roxanne"

Original Performer:

Arizona Zervas

Parody Song Title:

"Locked Can"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

Part of my "Something to Believe In Supplemental" self-challenge. In fact, it's the final one! Huzzah! To open, push down tab, break tab, swear repeatedly, STAB WITH A PAIR OF SCISSORS!!
Just want a snack
Really want a snack, oh, wait, shit
Yeah, brr, brr, ayy, yeah, yeah, yeah, ayy
Brr, brr, brr, ayy, skrrt, skrrt
My patience is gonna break, yeah

Locked can, locked can
All I wanna do is take a large bite
Goddamn locked can
Didn't think that you would be a hard type
Please don't be an asshole, let me sate my hunger
Tryna make a damn hole but I just can't bust it
Locked can, locked can
All I wanna do is take a large bite, ayy

What's so wrong with tryna eat my fill? Yeah, ayy
Tempted to break out the power drill, yeah, ayy
I can't wait until I hear the pop (pop, pop)
And I can get into that tuna crop, ayy
What the hell am I doin' so wrong?
Thought I knew the trick, it's takin' too long
This opener's balls, always craps out
But although it's shit, I won't tap out
It's my habit to, uh, habit to
Swear just a bit too often when I can't get through, uh
Stab it too, uh, stab it too
I don't need your "take it slowly" platitude

Locked can (locked can), locked can (locked can)
All I wanna do is take a large bite
Goddamn (goddamn) locked can (locked can)
Why has gettin' lunch become a farce type?
This thing is an asshole, forcin' so much labour
Let me make a damn hole, crack the top-most layer
Locked can (locked can), locked can (locked can)
All I wanna do is take a large bite, ayy (I just wanna have lunch)

Lowest stakes, yeah, still a pain, yeah
It won't crack no matter the knife I place, yeah
No mess made, yeah (whoo), zero stains, yeah (whoo)
Hard to make, ooh, when no food escapes, yeah
Sev'ral openers, all broke, ooh
Lotta methods I'd suggest you don't use
Yeah, handy crowbar, it just snapped, that's friggin' crazy (whoo)
Spent some favours to get some C4, it's still contained, geez
I'm so mad at you, uh, mad at you
How'd you survive chainsawin'? I still can't get through (can't get through), uh
Blast it too, uh blast it too (ooh-ooh)
Other things to eat but (uh-huh-uh) now I'm mad at you

Locked can (locked can), locked can (locked can)
All I wanna do is take a large bite (large bite, yeah)
Goddamn (goddamn) locked can (locked can)
There's "leak proof", but this is a too-hard type (hard type, yeah-eah)
Why are you an asshole? Stupid tin container
Let me friggin' crack (just crack) open you, want that flavour
Locked can (locked can), locked can (locked can)
All I wanna do is take a large bite

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-hoo-ooh-ooh-ooh
Yeah, ho-oh-ho
Yeah-eah, ho-ho, ho

Man, imagine if this parody had been a bit more timely with the epic of Bean Dad. Well, for that to have happened, I needed to have not had those two weeks in December full of delays. Also the Capital riots had to have not happened so that Bean Dad would've lasted a bit longer in the meme-o-sphere. Oh well. Back to randomly selected parodies tomorrow!

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Voting Results

 
Pacing: 3.0
How Funny: 3.0
Overall Rating: 3.0

Total Votes: 4

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
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 2   0
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 3   0
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 4   0
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 5   2
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User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

Jay S - February 16, 2021 - Report this comment
Seems incredibly forced. What is a “locked can” anyways? A can can’t be locked. So if the title of the song doesn’t make any sense...where do you think the rest of the song goes? This one was better left in the can.

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