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Song Parodies -> "Awful Usher"
Original Song Title:
"Hold Each Other"
Original Performer:
A Great Big World ft. Futuristic
Parody Song Title:
"Awful Usher"
Parody Written by:
the_conqueror_of_parodies
The Lyrics
Not the singer, the people in the theatre who check your tickets and stuff...as with every profession, there's a chance that some of that can be complete douchenozzles!
What-what-what-what, what, what
What-what-what-what, what's his problem?
It's been a while since I've arranged my plans to go and see a play
But I had extra time today like oh-oh-oh-oh
So I know that I don't seem to be a regular, not me
No reason to treat me rudely like oh-oh-oh-oh
Look he's giving just turns colder
Each time he turns my ticket over
Dude, it's no knockoff, it's legit, tryna keep my composure
An awful usher, an awful usher
An awful usher, mmm-mmm-mmm
Thought that would be it but wow, calling in for backup now
To come along and pat me down, man, that blows
No "outside snack" rule I know of, even then, this big coat's because
Weather right now's cold as balls like oh-oh-oh-oh
I keep thinking "Have I wronged him?"
It's a short thought because it's bogus
Clear he's picking on me for no proper reason, I noticed
An awful usher, an awful usher
An awful usher, mmm-mmm-mmm
So all this messin' at the entrance? A mid beginnin' (what-what-what-what, what, what)
To hey, hopefully the hours, two hours I'll be here sittin'
Will be nothin' like all that, unless our section
Is run by that douche, don't think there's any point in any guessin'
Yep, the first tiny whisper I'm givin', he's on my hide (what-what-what-what, what, what)
This awful usher decides to yell so much louder, that's right
My eyes are those of the blind, at least until it subsides
This asshole backs his words up with a real bright-as-hell flashlight, the pain
Still don't know what the hell I've done (what-what-what-what, what, what)
But nothin' is comin' up, as if the things that he's done
Would be okay here because this passive-aggressive type stuff?
All that it does is fail to say why I'm in the wrong, it sucks now
Ev'ryone else can see that he's overeactin' (what-what-what-what, what, what)
Or simply makin' up suspicions to explain why he's batshit
And he knows that I won't fold 'cause I don't want to (what-what-what-what, what's his problem?)
I'm not gonna head back home 'cause he's a whole tool, yeah
Talk directly to him? Won't work (what-what-what-what)
Will only make my day off over
I look an asshole in the eyes, my fist becomes a boulder
An awful usher, an awful usher
An awful usher, mmm-mmm-mmm
An awful usher, an awful usher
An awful usher, mmm-mmm-mmm
What-what-what-what, what's his problem?
It's been a while since I've arranged my plans to go and see a play
But I had extra time today like oh-oh-oh-oh
So I know that I don't seem to be a regular, not me
No reason to treat me rudely like oh-oh-oh-oh
Look he's giving just turns colder
Each time he turns my ticket over
Dude, it's no knockoff, it's legit, tryna keep my composure
An awful usher, an awful usher
An awful usher, mmm-mmm-mmm
Thought that would be it but wow, calling in for backup now
To come along and pat me down, man, that blows
No "outside snack" rule I know of, even then, this big coat's because
Weather right now's cold as balls like oh-oh-oh-oh
I keep thinking "Have I wronged him?"
It's a short thought because it's bogus
Clear he's picking on me for no proper reason, I noticed
An awful usher, an awful usher
An awful usher, mmm-mmm-mmm
So all this messin' at the entrance? A mid beginnin' (what-what-what-what, what, what)
To hey, hopefully the hours, two hours I'll be here sittin'
Will be nothin' like all that, unless our section
Is run by that douche, don't think there's any point in any guessin'
Yep, the first tiny whisper I'm givin', he's on my hide (what-what-what-what, what, what)
This awful usher decides to yell so much louder, that's right
My eyes are those of the blind, at least until it subsides
This asshole backs his words up with a real bright-as-hell flashlight, the pain
Still don't know what the hell I've done (what-what-what-what, what, what)
But nothin' is comin' up, as if the things that he's done
Would be okay here because this passive-aggressive type stuff?
All that it does is fail to say why I'm in the wrong, it sucks now
Ev'ryone else can see that he's overeactin' (what-what-what-what, what, what)
Or simply makin' up suspicions to explain why he's batshit
And he knows that I won't fold 'cause I don't want to (what-what-what-what, what's his problem?)
I'm not gonna head back home 'cause he's a whole tool, yeah
Talk directly to him? Won't work (what-what-what-what)
Will only make my day off over
I look an asshole in the eyes, my fist becomes a boulder
An awful usher, an awful usher
An awful usher, mmm-mmm-mmm
An awful usher, an awful usher
An awful usher, mmm-mmm-mmm
I did not know until looking at the lyrics for this song that A Great Big World were a duo. It's possible I knew before but given how their big hit a) had Christina Aguilera on it which made it sound like a duet, not a...triet and b) kept putting me to sleep, so retaining information was unlikely.
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Heh! I've often imagined a series of jokes along the lines of Gary Larson's "Professor DeArmond—the epitome of evil amongst butterfly collectors!" being told about people in other typically mundane professions. Here we have a character who might just be the epitome of evil amongst theater ushers. A few other possibilities include: cab drivers, parking garage attendants, pet groomers, janitors, bricklayers, gardeners, and secretaries.
Thanks for your comments Ducs and MAGA. It’s appreciated.
Am I right (he-he) in understanding that these days in the USA it's easier to get onto a sloped roof with an AR-15 than into a movie theater with your own bag of snacks? If so maybe the Secret Service should recruit more ushers!
Damn! It sucks to get old because now I have the chorus part "I used to be a xxx, I used to be a yyy" on repeat in my head but I can't remember the rest of the lyrics or what band it is. Might be another parody coming if I do later on.
Damn! It sucks to get old because now I have the chorus part "I used to be a xxx, I used to be a yyy" on repeat in my head but I can't remember the rest of the lyrics or what band it is. Might be another parody coming if I do later on.
That's my basic understanding of the way things are over there, Pete. Sad but...no, no buts, it's just sad. And as try as I might, I couldn't find any song that has a "I used to be a [blank]" that was immediately followed by a "I used to be a [separate blank]". Sure you're not thinking of a million different "I wanna be a [many blanks]" song?
"I used to be a lunatic from the gracious days, I used to feel woebegone and so restless nights" opening to "No More I Love Yous" by Annie Lennox. "Feel" can easily be replaced with "be a[n]"
That one did pop up in my searches...but only the first line. And even then I think I thought "Not the chorus, doesn't count". Still, well done, Glenn, hopefully that's what's in Pete's head!
Thanks guys! I've now come up with a possible song for that usher career switch idea parody should my muse manage to persuade me to go on with it after we've finished the next old ABBA song idea that are already in progress. :-)
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