Sick of this bullshit, I've got muggin' problems (problem)
No, I'm not gettin' mugged but they're still muggin' problems (problem)
I need mad riches but got muggin' problems (problem)
All I can do is mug but I got muggin' problems (problem)
This job's got hitches, gives me muggin' problems (problem)
I thought I'd learned to mug but I got muggin' problems (problem)
I'm tryna perfect the steal (yeah), that's my muggin' problem
Here's the first thing I'm shit at: folks not worth robbin' (ayy)

"Hold-up: that's what this is now (uh)
Turn your pockets out and throw it on the ground (uh)"
What do they drop? Not a wallet, would be fine, ooh
Or a fancy phone, would be pretty ritzy stuff, huh?
Get crap (yeah), lint for me (uh)
Three-quarters of a forgotten mint for me (yeah)
Couple crusty tissues and that's it for me (uh)
I would blow off your nose with my pistol, geez
But I just figure, I sit and figure, not worth the trigger (yeah)
So my finger won't be a twitcher, you get the picture?
Wanted riches, a fancy necklace (uh), a watch all gemmed up (uh)
I would pinch it and then I'd sell it, but this is bullshit, bullshit (not right)
Hell, just money would be better than all of this (uh)
Don't even have the little cents (cents)?
I-I-I-I'll be headin' off, you had to rip me off
You're safe to head down this dark alley scot-free (hahahahahaha)

Wanted mad riches, that's my muggin' problem (problem)
Shouldn't be hard to mug but I got muggin' problems (problem)
People too skint, they give me muggin' problems (problem)
Make it a waste to mug, I hate my muggin' problems (problem)
This life's got hitches, gives me muggin' problems (problem)
Thought I knew how to mug but I got muggin' problems (problem)
Why can't they have stuff to steal? My first muggin' problem
Here's the next thing I'm shit at: the times I stumble (ayy)

Ooh, you think it's funny when my feet are wrong
Makes you break into a fit of giggles when my speech is wrong
Makes you film and post on Instagram soon as I squeak and pause
'Cause I can't intimidate you when you see my dong, oh word?
Shoes find the gravel, stance gets really off
Magazine is fallin' out, somebody went and greased the Glock
If that's what this is, I'm not that up on the details, stop
The fu-, okay, I lost it, I'm stuffed
Fall down, cover my cheeks in blood
Both types, dropped pants have bared my arse, hard cement's really rough
I guess I'm not walkin' out with your purse or your wallet
Just become a meme on Twitter since I just whacked my own bollocks
On the corner of the dumpster, second go was just more nonsense
Got that only-see-the-legs from some stupid 'toon or comic
Good lord, I don't really say this often
But those cartoon criminals have respect, lot more than me

Look like a dipshit, that's my muggin' problem (problem)
I fumble as I mug, I hate my muggin' problems (problem)
Sick of my slippin', gives me muggin' problems (problem)
Whole world'll see my butt, it's a weird muggin' problem (problem)
This job's got hitches, gives me muggin' problems (problem)
I've followed "How 2 Mug" but still have muggin' problems (problem)
Way too clumsy as I steal, second muggin' problem
Now the last thing I'm shit at: defense is awful

Uh, yeah, you'd think that this alley
Would be where I'd mark a vic'try tally
It's dark, which is good so you can't see that I carry
Some heat but what then happens is I'm who ends up hurt badly, mmm
I'd defer to the "flight", hurts when I fight
But it just seems I mug strong athletes each damn time
I yell to "Freeze!" but they don't do that, oh shit
Hurt comes when they strike my di'
Hurts when they kick my arse, mmm
Left in a crumpled heap when they depart, mmm
Clothes always hidin' how real buff they are
Never gonna make fun of one Kent comma Clark, mmm
Walk it off, insurance sure will not pay
Say what I was doin' in that alley? Wrong way
To get any money, stupid
Still head back, must do this, geez

I need mad riches, push through muggin' problems (problem)
All I know is to mug, I hate my muggin' problems (problem)
Real job pays little, so my muggin' problems (problem)
Is stuff to just put up with, stupid muggin' problems (problem)
This life's got hitches, gives me muggin' problems (problem)
Learned techniques to best mug but still have muggin' problems (problem)
Aladdin-style, forced to steal but with muggin' problems
At the whole thing I'm shit, should just sell my organs (ayy)