Making fun of music, one song at a time. Since the year 2000.
Check out the two amIright misheard lyrics books including one book devoted to misheard lyrics of the 1980s.
(Toggle Right Side Navigation)

Song Parodies -> "The Night Santa Talked Dirty"

Original Song Title:

"The Night Santa Went Crazy"

Original Performer:

Weird Al Yankovic

Parody Song Title:

"The Night Santa Talked Dirty"

Parody Written by:

Phil Alexander

The Lyrics

OK, I know Weird Al's OS is a parody, too.. but I've never heard that OS. Based on this story from The Register

The Brass Eye reference is from the brilliant satirical TV programme - if you don't know what I'm talking about, watch this
Up in their bedrooms, children are at it again:
Sitting at their computers, typing on MSN
When the buzz goes around - something new that's really hot
It's a big, fat, foulmouthed Microsoft Santa bot
You can hear the kids giggle as the story's repeated
What Santa replies when you tell him to "Eat It"
And some children laugh, some are merely perplexed
When Santa says it's fun talkin' 'bout oral sex

The night Santa talked dirty
The night Saint Nick was a pest
Answering an innocent question
Sounding like he's sexually-obsessed

Well, with children today, you can guess just what follows
What Santa replies when asked if he swallows
That's when all the parents start feeling disgusted
As he answers in kind when called a "dirty bastard"
And talk about drugs, he says it's fun to get high
Thinks "Cake" is a drug, too, so must watch "Brass Eye"
So who's saying it's only a minor infraction
As the lawyers queue up for one massive class action

The night Santa talked dirty
The site where Saint Nick digressed
Can they arrest him for paedophilia
Without passing the Turing test

There's a million dads don't know what to say
It's alright to type in "ho ho ho"
But a "Ho" on its own's not OK
Now the writs start a-flying and hackles are rising
And everyone’s dying to know
Will MS pay?
Hey, hey, hey, hey they'll pay
That's if the lawyers get their way

Yes, Virginia, now Santa's doing time
In a virtual prison for his paedophile crime
Hey little friend now, he'll soon be out again
After Microsoft stooges reprogram his brain

There's kiddies in therapy says the prosecution
And Santa's getting blamed for child prostitution
And the lawyers are checking everything Santa said
Looks like Santa hasn't been.. using his head

The night Santa talked dirty
The night Kris K lost his crown
If he's saying that kinda stuff to children
Well, I guess that Santa's goin' down

The night Santa talked dirty
The site Saint Nick should have ducked
What with the lawyers and the paranoia
Seems to me that Santa's gonna get
Surely seems that Santa's gonna get
Can't you see that Santa's go---- get f...ried

Your Vote & Comment Counts

The parody authors spend a lot of time writing parodies for the website and they appreciate feedback in the form of votes and comments. Please take some time to leave a comment below about this parody.

Place Your Vote

Matches Pace of
Original Song: 
How Funny: 
Overall Score: 

In order for your vote to count, you need to hit the 'Place Your Vote' button.

Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 8

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   0
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   8

User Comments

Comments are subject to review, and can be removed by the administration of the site at any time and for any reason.

alvin - May 20, 2008 - Report this comment
looks like you'll be on the "naughty" list this
Jonathan S. - May 20, 2008 - Report this comment
Enjoyable (555), but I should tell you that the OS isn't a parody, it's just one of Al's original works.
Agrimorfee - May 20, 2008 - Report this comment
...although it's close enough in sound and pace to Soul Asylum's "Black Gold" to almost say it is a parody. ":) 555
Little-Xmas-Cakes - May 20, 2008 - Report this comment
I love it when you talk D-words to me, ~Cowboy Santa Ray~. . .
AFW - May 20, 2008 - Report this comment
A potty mouthed Santa is a funny idea..well done
Below Average Dave - May 20, 2008 - Report this comment
Fun OS to take on, not easy to improve upon an OS like this--but you managed to do it. Very well done Phil, one of your better works--though I do have to question your timing on release ;)
Phil Alexander - May 21, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks, everyone :-)
Jonathan - it's an original? No wonder I've not heard the OS then... thanks
Ag - who's what?
AFW - check the link at the top: it's not my idea, it's something that actually happened (apart from the law suits.. that's my embellishing things a bit)
BAD - You're too kind - I honestly don't think I did improve on the original, 'cause that's one of my favourite Weird Al's.. the timing came purely because I read the Register story last week, and if I'd tried waiting to have a Christmas release, you can bet I'd have forgotten all about it :-)
Agrimorfee - May 21, 2008 - Report this comment
Phil: see, then compare with and you'll understand what I am talking about. ;)
Phil Alexander - May 22, 2008 - Report this comment
Thanks, Ag - I can see what you mean, and that's a real cracker of a song, too.

The author of the parody has authorized comments, and wants YOUR feedback.

Link To This Page

The address of this page is: For help, see the examples of how to link to this page.

This is view # 1475