Once in a while
Maybe you will feel the urge.
To wear the tiniest swimsuit
By buying bikinis
from online stores
Like ebay or pastease or wickedweasel or thebikini.com.
But deep in your Heart.
You know the embarassment would drive you mad
And the shame would leave a permanent scar
Cause you start out wearing thongs
Then you're streaking through stores
And filming porn
And running past school kids in the nude and nothing more

[Chorus]
So Don't Try On That Thong
Inside Your House Is Where You Belong
Stay and wear all your clothes like you know that you should
Oh Don't Try On That Thong

Oh you don't want to mess
With people that care
They'll film you in your underwear
It doesn't matter if you're a grandma
Or a 42 year old guy
They'll treat you like the old pervert that would be better off shy

[Chorus]
So Don't Try On That Thong (don't go)
Flappin' Your Cheeks All Day Long
Go back inside your house like you know that you should
Oh Don't Try On That Thong

Don't flash your cheeks
At people like me
How else can I afford to see
And diamond studded g-strings
These things just shouldn't be
So all I ask is everybody Pleaseeeeee

[Chorus]
Don't Try On That Thong (Don't do it No No)
Even Richard Simmons knows it's wrong (You could just ask him)
Go and put on your clothes like you know that you should (You Really Should)
Oh Don't Try On That Thong

Don't Try On That Thong (Oh please don't you do it or you)
Might wind up behind bars like King Kong (Remember that movie)
Go and put on your clothes (Right Now) like you know that you should (Go out and Buy it)
Oh Don't Try On That Thong

Don't Try On That Thong (No no no no no no)
Or you'll burn in hell before to long (And you deserve it)
Go and put on your clothes (Just dress) like you know that you should (You should watch tv)