I’m at a middle school each day from 7 till 2
Teaching kids math and science that they’ll never use
But each year there’s one thing that I always dread
The school picked me to teach this subject called sex ed

This is not the thing that I signed up to do
It’s not like the kids don’t have a clue
I tell them all about the birds and bees
And details all about each STD
I scare them, saying they all are gonna die
If they even think ‘bout getting cozy at night
I try to be cool but my face turns bright red
Why can’t their parents teach ‘em this instead?

Everyone starts to laugh cause they’re little tards
Why must a class like this be so long and hard?
But since it comes so quickly I think that is great
I’d hate for the class to turn into a mass debate

These are not the classes that I wanna do
I can’t wait until the day is through
I tell them all about the birds and bees
And scare them with a rant on pregnancy
They all treat the class as if it’s all a joke
Wrapping their hands around innuendos
And I swear to god, I’m gonna lose my head
If I hear another “That’s What She Said”

Out of here… Out of here…
I want out of here, out of here, out of here
Out of here…

This is not the thing that I signed up to do
It’s not like they don’t know how to screw
I tell them all about the birds and bees
It’s not like they haven’t seen it on TV
They all know this stuff, they’ve got the internet
This isn’t a subject that they could forget
Kids will do anything to get ahead
Why can’t their parents teach ‘em this instead?