You’re at Subway with you best friend who's upset
She’s complaining about the day old cheesy bread
She doesn’t like mold on her food

We‘re in the line, can’t decide on a Coke or Sprite
I'm listening to the conversation about Twilight
And eventually get to order our food

But this is a long line, I’m impatient
This is getting boring and I am famished
We took one last step and I picked a sandwich
Then I said, “Get me a roast beef on wheat bread.”

He put on his gloves and he read things off the menu.
He grabbed my sandwich and then he asked me,
“Cheddar or Swiss Cheese?”
“Cheddar or Swiss Cheese?”

Walkin’ the streets with you in your warm baked beans
I can’t help thinking this is how you got obese
I’m wishing that I was here by myself
I kinda feel queasy…

And you've got a body that could strut around the town
You haven’t done it in awhile, since you gained some pounds
You say you’re full, I know you better than that
Ew, whatcha doing with a skirt like that?

She wears tight pants that don’t fit her
She eats cupcakes and I snack on peaches,
Dreaming ‘bout the day when she can eat pork grinds.
She set her alarm for when it’s almost lunch time!

If you could see yourself when you look in the mirror
Been loosing weight to raise your self esteem
You should try South Beach

Standin on the scale for your weigh in
All this time I knew that you were fat
Don’t get mad at me
I am your bestie

Oh I remember you eating at my house in the middle of the night
I locked up the fridge ‘cause you’ll get a heart attack and die
I know you like dingdongs and you ate too much ice cream
I think I know you know it’s wrong. You just wish you were skinny.

If you could see yourself when you look in the mirror
Been loosing weight to raise your self esteem
You should try South Beach

Standin on the scale for your weigh in
All this time I knew that you were fat
Don’t get mad at me
I am your bestie

Have you ever thought just maybe
That you’re a fatty.
Yeah, just a fatty.