You were so dumb when I first saw you
I rolled my eyes
As the nonsense starts
You’re standing there
Bringing all of your woo-woo to bear

Pseudoscience
Think you’re smart, you talk so loud
As you debate feng shui with the crowd
You say hello, you wanted me to know

That you were a Leo, you guessed I was a Libra
And my brain screamed, get away from idiot
And you were looking at my aura
Begging to read my Tarot, and I said

Homeopathy, horoscopes and UFOs
Anti-vax, crop circles, and Chakra flows
You are a dunce with a cranial abscess
It’s a woo story, maybe you’re a dumbass

So I sneak out to the garden to leave you
You follow me, you want me to believe too
Here flows your lies
Psychics, astrology, and ley lines…

‘Cause you were mumbo jumbo, you were spouting nonsense
Your opinions unsupported by evidence
When I asked you how you knew that,
You told me that you “just know” — and I said

Homeopathy, something you believe is so
Just a drop of stupid in everything you think you know
I’ll be the skeptic, you be the dimwit
It’s a woo story, maybe you’re a dumbshit

Homeopathy, quackery has strange appeal
Science is difficult, but it’s real
Your quote mining takes it out of context
It’s a woo story, just a bunch of nonsense
Woo woo

I tired of debating
Wondering if you were ever coming around
Your faith in woo is grating
So I get to write this parody smackdown — and I said

Homeopathy, and all this crap you think is so
I keep wondering, where did all your brain cells go
Is this in your head? Or just wishful group-think?
You picked a bugger and twiddled your nose ring

And said, I’m not an idiot
My IQ is not so low
I love woo, and that’s all I really know
There’s lots of mad stuff I really think and hope is true
It’s a woo story, you should believe too

Woo woo, woo woo
‘Cause you were so dumb, when I first saw you…