Messenger, tell 'em

Okay, seems the kingdom is screwed
The king died of butt flu
Had no kids or siblings so the lack of heir's an issue
So who should we turn to?
Some random lord or duke?
We need someone nice and male-like to ascend the throne
Someone take the throne
The crown, it needs a home (needs a home)
We've an empty throne, if the answer's no
Sure seems that we are boned (yeah, we're so boned)

Okay, this scene could get ugly
'Fore you draw your knives, please
Messengers, send 'em, yeah, to all of the counties
Tell 'em this straight, right:
"The king's lost his life
Mistake? Planned fate? We'll sort that out sometime, yeah
Write back, 'cause the kingdom needs ya
And if you're good, we'll keep ya, if not, we'll just kill ya
Yes, kill ya, yes, kill ya
Here's hopin' that we'll king ya, signed, The Court"
I hope that's an offer that they can't refuse

Waitin', for all those lords and dukes
To receive the big news
Not a lot of things to pass the time in 1402
I hear the trumpets toot
Here's the messenger dude
But his message says that, somehow, no-one wants the throne
No-one wants the throne
Taken aback, I'm thrown (I'm just thrown)
No-one wants the throne? My mind, it is blown
And now the kingdom's boned (totally boned)

Maybe, they've all just gone crazy
Cause only a loon
A mad lord or duke would diss this, would loathe this
Easy chance to be king
Roll around in gold bits
Push around the peasants
Lounge upon the throne
The opportunity of the damn century
But nobody wants it
No dukes and no lords and no counts and
Not even wizards want to rule the land
Maybe no-one wants to run a land this screwed

Could be, old king was a dumb dude
Burned all the stores of food
And emptied the treasury to buy a cure for butt flu
Waged a war for new shoes
Yes, he was a mad fool
Ran this kingdom through the dirt, so no-one wants the throne
No-one wants the throne
King screwed-up, now we're boned (really boned)
No-one wants the throne, who would want this throne
Not me, that one's for sho' (yeah, that's for sho')

Possible heirs are
Nada, nada-nada nada, nada-nada nada, nada-nada, ya
Who'd want the throne? A
Sucker, sucker-sucker sucker, sucker-sucker sucker, sucker-sucker schmuck
Gullible twit, a
Dumbass, dumbass-dumbass dumbass, dumbass-dumbass dumbass, dumbass-dumbass schmuck
Who'll save the kingdom? We're
Buggered, buggered-buggered buggered, buggered-buggered
As you can tell, we're kinda in a bad mood

Maybe, instead of a king dude
A radical thought, true
Should the king's widow rule the kingdom, could call her Queen Sue
A nice ring to it, true
Or her daughters might do
Are we that desp'rate to let a woman take the throne?
A girl on the throne
Have we sunk that damn low? (sunk that low)
No man wants the throne, chicks all want it though
Don't think it would work, no (it won't work, no)