Tell me what made you
Decide that you'd get us
This horri-
By bad tofurkey
I know that you're afraid
Of a heart attack
But mom, I
Can't stand tofurkey

Think how Uncle Steve
Is gonna take this big surprise
The family split's never gonna heal so
It's too late for good turkey
But if it is premade
It's still better than if it's made of soy

You know I'm willing to bake it
And I know I might burn down
The kitchen but I'll risk that to eat good food
I hate the taste of tofu
And so do you

My abdominal
System knows what's coming
My stomach
Is really nervous
Fake bird on my plate will
Go in the trash
It's horri -
Ble please don't serve it

Can't we celebrate how Lincoln had planned
When this holiday was made by him?
Eating turkey that
Was actually alive
He'd be mad at you
Cause health food is just for wimps

So I'll toss it all
Right into the fire
It's harmless
After I burn it
And we've all behaved
We have not been bad
I'm sure we
Do not deserve this
Tell me what made you
Decide that you'd get us
This horri-
By bad tofurkey
I know you're afraid
Of a heart attack
But mom, I
Can't stand tofurkey