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Song Parodies -> "Damn! I Feel Like A Woman!"

Original Song Title:

"I Feel Like A Woman"

Original Performer:

Shania Twain

Parody Song Title:

"Damn! I Feel Like A Woman!"

Parody Written by:

Bob Gomez

The Lyrics

Congress is about to hold hearings on steroid abuse. Barry Bonds has not been summoned--yet.
Bat-swingin' heroes
Pumped on the steroids
Can't seem to get enough--
Banned medication
All throughout the nation
Mad teenagers gettin' buff--

Call it addiction
It's not a fiction
Steroids sure are bustin' out--
And José Canseco,
The dumb f***in' a-hole
Why'd he have to open his mouth?

That's the thing about an illegal substance:
Nobody knows it till they find it in your urine...

Oh, uh, oh, my biceps amaze me!
I'm muscled but lazy!
Man boobs, lost pubes!
Oh, uh, oh, pumpin' my pecs, yeah,
3, 4, 5, 6 hours!

Oh, uh, oh, thighs are expanding!
Shrinkin' my man-things!
Losin' my hair, but I'm aware,
Oh, uh, oh, I think I know how Arnold
Schwarzenegger feels--
Damn! I feel like a woman!

(Andromental instrumental)

I been takin' “clear”
And andro in the rear
I gained nearly eighty-two pounds--
I lost my spare tire
I'm ripped like Mark McGuire
Apparently that's out of bounds

The worst thing about being a user:
They never guarantee you'll hit like Barry Bonds and...

Oh, uh, oh, I'm gettin' dejected--
My buttock's injected--
That hurts, sport squirts,
Oh, uh, oh, thinkin' that I oughta cool it for a while--
Oh, uh, oh, feelin' contractions, chemical action's
Stretchin' my shirts, growin' in spurts
Oh, uh, oh, new testy regimes seem to fuel the rage I feel--
Man! I feel like a woman!

The worst thing about illegal steroids
You're bendin' over and they shoot in your buns and...

Oh, uh, oh, I'm feelin' so angry!
Now Congress'll spank me!
Clear stuff, sure ‘nuff
Oh, uh, oh, gettin' subpoenaed, get on up the Hill--
Oh, oh, oh, media blames me!
Publicly shames me!
Estrogen's up, peein' in cups
Oh, uh, oh, I guess it's illegal to feel the way I feel--
Damn! I feel like a woman!

Fines, they tend to enrage me
Can't appeal it
Some, some, summons, Barry
You'll squeal like a woman
©Bob Gomez 2005

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Voting Results

Pacing: 4.4
How Funny: 4.4
Overall Rating: 4.4

Total Votes: 14

Voting Breakdown

The following represent how many people voted for each category.

    Pacing How Funny Overall Rating
 1   2
 2   0
 3   0
 4   0
 5   12

User Comments

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Dee Range - March 11, 2005 - Report this comment
Verry funny and topical. With Barry's high voice, makes me wonder. LOL 555
Bob Gomez, pumping gas - March 11, 2005 - Report this comment
Thanks, Dee. And what about Mike Tyson? His latest quote: "My biggest weakness is my sensitivity. I am too sensitive a person." How feminine of him!
Johnny D - March 11, 2005 - Report this comment
Great job, Bob. Those guys could learn a lesson about true masculinity from....hmm....let me see....(insert name of appropriate female celebrity here)...
Hilary Swank - March 11, 2005 - Report this comment
Melhi - March 11, 2005 - Report this comment
Your parodies never disappoint, Bob -- great job, yet again!
PuarToThaMax - March 12, 2005 - Report this comment
A few jokes were lost on me as I'm from the land of tulips and mills, but what did hit target had me rolling over the floor. Thanks for the weekly smile on my face!

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