You're a schmuck
If you could only see your face
You should pluck
Something that is quite out of place
Check the mirror and
You'll see something hanging
And right under your nose
Is where you'll find it

Underneath your nose
There's a nasty thingy
Don't know what it is
But it's kinda stringy
And all the things that would suggest
Like having poor hygiene, buddy...

Because of the goo
I just lost my desire to eat
Because of the goo
There is one thing I must repeat
When the hairs are gone
When nosehairs are trimmed
You'll be proper and prim

Underneath your nose
There's a nasty thingy
Don't know what it is
But it's kinda stringy
And all the things that would suggest
Like having poor hygiene, buddy...

I know you got a cold or allergies
Sniffin' coughin' honkin' sneezing
Your nose is blue
Or maybe it's so runny
You must have some disease
As every booger is hanging from your ignorance
There's one now from your left nostril
You really need a handkerchief
Cause it looks pretty awful

Underneath your nose
There's a nasty thingy
Don't know what it is
But it's kinda stringy
And all the things that would suggest
Like having poor hygiene, buddy...