I'm the new GP around here
There's nothing much for you to fear,
I'm gonna be your doctor dear,
Now scream.

I've read the books from A to Z,
From paeds to gynaecology,
It's time to start some therapy,
My dear.

So come on let me medicate you,
Let me medicate you.

These drops should fix young Timmy's ears,
But why the hold up, why the tears?
What's that? "Oh Doctor, while I'm here"
Oh dear!

What does the problem seem to be?
It hurts each time you go to pee?
You're gonna need a pessary,
My dear.

So come on etc...

I've Prozac if you're feeling low,
Ventolin for you peak flow,
Senokot if you can't go,
Mon cher.

My black bag's bulging at the seams,
With pots of pills and tubs of cream,
You want Viagara?
In your dreams, mon cher!.

Those tablets that you take but can't recall their name,
The yellow ones with stripes that help your aches and pains.
I've found out what they are and to my great regret,
They're Fido's worming tablets and they're from the vet.

So come on etc...

Your doctor may be good; he may be out of sight,
But I'm the one on call; you're stuck with me tonight.
I've studied Pendleton and Neighbour's consultation skills,
But who's got time for that? Clear off and take your pills.