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Song Parodies -> "Hate How You Roll, Dude"

Original Song Title:

"Hate That I Love You"

Original Performer:

Rihanna ft. Ne-Yo

Parody Song Title:

"Hate How You Roll, Dude"

Parody Written by:

the_conqueror_of_parodies

The Lyrics

In the realms of D&D, there is an ongoing war, seemingly without end. One one side, people who limply flop the required dice out of their palm, exhibiting as much energy as one does if they've been forced to get up at 6 as opposed to their accustomed half-9. On the other side, people who roll their dice with wild abandon, no care given to plastic cups full of soft drink, nearby pets trying to sleep nor the miniatures in the middle of the table. When the two sides clash, it can get ugly...
Hardcore Roller:
Yeah-eah, yeah-eah-eah-ay
Weak Roller:
He-ey, yeah-ay
Weak Roller (Hardcore Roller):
Don't like how you (huh) roll, dude (yeah), oh-oh-ooh-whoa-ho-ooh-oh
Don't like how dice leave you (yeah, yeah, yeah-eah)

Weak Roller:
Man, I can't stand you
All that was asked of you was roll a friggin' die
Why did you have to make it fly (no)?
Hardcore Roller:
As if it's just me
You berate me, girl, when your die barely flips
What's that map website? I forget, I'm takin' the piss
It's "Roll"20, not "Drop It"
Weak Roller & Hardcore Roller:
Man, I hate it
Weak Roller:
Ev'ryone has to wait for you
To fish around for your die, dude
For too long, that's wrong
Weak Roller & Hardcore Roller:
Man, I hate it
Hardcore Roller:
You always whine about your luck
Never rollin' high that much, yet you ignore
How it's your limpness at the core, dude

Weak Roller (Hardcore Roller):
Man, I hate how hard you roll, dude, oy (yeah)
I can't stand how your dice leave you (they leave you)
Really hate how hard (buddy) you roll, dude, oy (ooh-whoa-oh-oh-whoa)
Ev'ry game, I let you know
That I hate how you roll, dude, don't (ooh-ooh)

Hardcore Roller (Weak Roller):
And you look like a joke when it falls out your hand (falls right out your hand)
Hits the table with such a smack (really damn loud smack)
Weak Roller:
Man, how can you care
About that noise, yet give not one crap each time (time)
You knock a glass down with your die (die)?
Cleanin' up takes time, oh-oh-oh-oh-oh-oh

Hardcore Roller (Weak Roller):
Man, I hate how weak (ho) you roll, dude, hurts
I can't stand how your (yeah-eah-ay) dice leave you (yeah-eah-ay)
Really hate how weak you roll, dude, hurts (oh-ho-ooh-whoa-oh-ho-ooh-whoa)
Each time I must let you know
That I hate how you roll, dude, don't

Weak Roller (Hardcore Roller):
One of these days, maybe you won't fling your d20 (hmm-mmm-mmm)
Out the door into the street
Hardcore Roller:
But that would
Weak Roller & Hardcore Roller:
Mean the world would be all topsy-turvy
Hardcore Roller:
Only then would you roll with some energy
Yeah-ay
Ooh-ooh-ooh-oh-oh-ooh-whoa
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Weak Roller (Hardcore Roller):
Don't like how you roll, dude (hate how dice leave you)
Don't like how dice leave you (hate how you roll, dude)
Don't like how you roll, dude (oh, same here, dude)
Don't like how dice leave you (same here, dude)
Man, I hate how you roll, dude
Weak Roller & Hardcore Roller:
Don't

Weak Roller (Hardcore Roller):
Man, I hate how hard you roll, dude, oy
I can't (hey) stand how your dice leave you (I can't stand how your dice leave you)
Really hate how hard you roll, dude, oy (yeah-eah-eah-eah-eah, oh-oh-oh)
Each damn game, must let you know (each damn game, must let you know, don't)
That I hate how you roll, dude, don't (ooh-ooh-ooh, ho-oh-oh-oh-oh)
Man, I
Weak Roller & Hardcore Roller:
Hate how you roll, dude, don't, don't

The hidden third side, the players who roll their dice in a happy medium, are just waiting for the two players to make out already so that they can get back to punching ogres in the balls and turning mad wizards into turtles and throwing them off cliffs.

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