Santa Clause went poddy on a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas eve
You can say there's no such thing as Santa
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe

He'd been drinking too much Pepsi
And he really really really had to go
But he'd left behind his trusty Depends
So he stumbled out the door into the snow

When they found him Christmas morning
At the scene of the uranation
There were hoof prints in the yellow snow
And puddles of yucking fucky piss everywhere

Santa Clause went poddy on a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas eve
You can say there's no such thing as Santa
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe

Now we all hate frickin Santa
Pissing on poor old Ruldolph's nose
See him whizzing on the goddamn reindeer
Drinking Pepsi and water from the hose

It's not Christmas without Rudolph
All the family's dressed in white
And we just can't help but wonder
Should we open up his gifts or make him spite?

Santa Clause went poddy on a reindeer
Walking home from our house Christmas eve
You can say there's no such thing as Santa
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe

Now the goose is on the table
And the pudding made of pig
And a blue and silver candle
That would just have matched the hair in Santa's wig

I've warned all my friends and neighbors
Better watch out for yourselves
They should never give a license
To a man who drives a sleigh and plays with elves

Santa Clause went poddy on a reindeer
Walking home from our house, Christmas eve
You can say there's no such thing as Santa
But as for me and Grandpa, we believe!