~

Say where Messiah
And I’ll be there in a moment
Hell, I’d gladly walk through fire
So as not to miss you foment
on TV
I *need* your daily ministry
Oh Miss Winfrey…

Laid bare, ‘Missiah’:
I read *every* club selection
And tried *all* your weird-ass diets
I’d ‘do’ War’s whole bongo section
for your praise
I’m rep’ing for your *huge* fan base—
Guess what it weighs…

O-prah’s talking just to me
O-prah, I'm your detainee
O-prah, billionaire emcee
O-prah, Holy Mogul, *she*
'don’t do bourgeoisie’…

Prepare ‘Missiah’
‘Cause those ratings sweeps are trying
So don’t book that lame Sanjaya
Snag OJ and get him crying
Then have Craig
improv a skit with Foley’s legs
Fans relish dregs…

I swear ‘Missiah’
I’m so juiced by your ‘O’ aura
If I could I’d snort you up my nose
While stabbing ‘Dr. Laura’
With my shank
She thinks she’s hot but let’s be frank
That chick’s a skank…

O-prah, spawning progeny
‘Dope’ that Phil’s your Mini-Me
O-prah, hear this fervent plea:
Nope, don’t *ever* set me free

You’ve morphed that ‘Harpo’ palindrome
Into Lear jets and Superdomes,
some Pet Rocks™ and that Shiatzu on your knee
Your petty cash could buy a state
Say, ‘Oprahoma’s’ just the place
to sell a bunch of ‘HellOprah Kitty’
And Oprah I can promise you
I’d maim—or better—*off* Tom Cruise
to gird your Sacred Sofa’s sanctity
With just my teeth…

Beware ‘Missiah’
Talk shows now claim you’re ‘A Robot’
and ‘A Lesbian Vampire’
and ‘A Martian With J’Lo’s Butt’
Can’t ya see?
Those lightweight hosts are wannabees
I just put Ellen down with ease
And did it *all* for you, so pleeeeze
‘Syn-dicate’ me…

O-prah, you’re the best around
Guar-anteed now Maury’s drowned
Nope, Geraldo won’t be found
Lake’s with Springer underground
Look there—see those mounds?

O-ooooooooooooooooooooooo
Ooooooooooooooo(breath)oooooooooo
Oooooooo(breath)ooooooooo
ooo(*gasp*)ooooo-prah!

~