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Song Parodies -> "Awful Bind"

Original Song Title:

"Stars Are Blind"

Original Performer:

Paris Hilton

Parody Song Title:

"Awful Bind"

Parody Written by:


The Lyrics

Yes, Paris Hilton had an attempt at a singing career. The song isn't that bad, TBH. Anyway, kidnapee runs afoul of sub-standard rope work!
I'm surprised this isn't twine
To be honest with you
'Cause I'm not findin' need to try
To flex hard to burst through
Know what it's like to be all trussed up, don't ask why
Let's push the talk of my hobbies aside (ah-ah)
The point I'm tryna make here is the fact that I'm
Embarrassed that you thought this was fine (ah-ah)
To keep me here tied, oh-oh, no, oh-oh-oh

Gotta say, this bond is lazy, gotta say, real awful bind
You think this lot could restrain me? That's sad, no lie
Wanted to take my ass hostage, nice attempt, but it just won't do
I'm no hero wrapped in bondage, just a real regular dude
Who's far from impressed with you


What is this? One shoelace knot?
A small child could learn this
Can't keep (keep) my shoes (my shoes) on for too long
Just a nudge, and off it slips
Guess that I won't see a Boy Scout suit in your stuff
Unlikely 'cause I'm runnin' once I'm done (ah-ah)
Callin' you a joke, oh-oh, no, oh-oh-oh

Gotta say, this knot is lazy, gotta say, real awful bind
It's not tight enough to make me stay here, no lie
First time that I've been held hostage, barely qualifies for that, dude
Try to film me held in bondage and you'll show an empty room
Rope spellin' out "Dumbass" too

Excuse me for bein'
Incredibly critical (ah-ah)
Still drugged me, I'm reelin'
Freak out's subliminal, oh-oh, no, no, no

So I'm callin' your bond lazy, call your knots an awful bind
From my home, managed to take me, scares me, no lie
Could've been a real-ass hostage (ah-ah), but it turns out you're a big tool (ah-ah)
Now I'm out of your cheap bondage (ah-ah), let's see how you like it, fool

Let's see you break this, fool, oh-oh
I know more 'bout knots than you (not a high bar, it's still true) (ah-ah)
Dude (ah-ah, ah-ah), stay there 'til the cops find you (oh-oh-oh)
Gotta say, this bond is lazy (ah-ah, ah-ah)
Gotta say, real awful bind (ah-ah)
Gotta say, this bond is lazy (ah-ah, ah-ah)
Gotta say, real awful bind (ah-ah)

Clearly the hostage-taker is new to this, you think they would've given the singer a gag before they got to the second verse.

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Voting Results

Pacing: 5.0
How Funny: 5.0
Overall Rating: 5.0

Total Votes: 1

Voting Breakdown

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 5   1

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